It's date night again and so I thought you might like the next installment of our adoption journey. :)
The month before Malakai was born the girls' birthmom had her second court date to decide whether or not the girl's would go back to her or not. We had continued to drive the two hours each week for the court mandated 2 hour visits even though their birthmom made maybe one out of every 6 visits. There was a lot of tension there between us and my idea of reaching out to her quickly went down the drain. Without giving all the details(because they are something that should be the girls' to share when and if they want to) their birthmom just wasn't doing any part of her plan and so the court decided to give it another 6 months.
By the time that 3rd court date came around the girls had been with us for over a year; Alana was 19 months old and Sarah was 5 1/2. While Sarah still called us Faith and Jonah we were the only parents Alana knew and the thought of her being taken away at that vulnerable age and put into a situation we knew was not good scared the daylights out of us. Don't get me wrong, we didn't want Sarah to go either, but she had a relationship with her birthmom and, while we were scared for her safety and future, we knew, or rather hoped, that she wouldn't feel abandoned.
I'll tell you, it is a very hard thing to love a child knowing that they may be taken away and exposed to things and dangerous situations that you only wanted to protect them from. There were times that I was SO scared I would loose these girls for good and then other times that I just wished they would take them away because I was scared of the hurt if they stayed longer. It would be so much easier emotionally. How selfish, huh? Each court date was a day of nerves and emotions and upsets when the decision was, yet again, put off for another day.
Finally, 20 months after they were placed with us, parental rights were terminated. The amazing thing about it all for me was that on that day, with Jonah and I sitting in that court room, the girls' birthmom actually told the judge that she wanted us to adopt the girls because she knew what good care we took of them and that we loved them. I cried buckets of tears because of my joy and my sorrow. This woman was losing her children for good and it broke my heart and yet I was JOYFUL that these girls would be MINE forever. It is a careful dance, adoption, to hold in tension your own joy while you ponder, appreciate and recognize someone else's sorrow and loss.
2 1/2 years after they came into our home we adopted Sarah Ellyn and Alana Faith along with finalizing Malakai's on the same day. It was a bit anticlimatic for us, honestly. We didn't need a judge to tell us what we already knew. These kids were ours. They were Winger's. Finally.
Look for the next chapter in our adoption journey in a few weeks.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
What's for dinner, Wednesday?
What it is:
Chicken Noodle Soup
What you need:
1 whole, cooked chicken deboned and chopped.
12 C. chicken broth
1 large onion, diced
3 carrots, sliced
3 celery, sliced
1 package egg noodles
Salt and pepper to taste
What you do:
Throw everything EXCEPT noodles into a large pot and simmer for about an hour or until the vegetables are done.
Add noodles and cook until done.
Adjust salt and pepper to taste.
Yum! So simple and basic and perfect to nourish a really sick hubbie who is just coming home from work after 3 days. :( Poor thing.
This is my own recipe.
Chicken Noodle Soup
What you need:
1 whole, cooked chicken deboned and chopped.
12 C. chicken broth
1 large onion, diced
3 carrots, sliced
3 celery, sliced
1 package egg noodles
Salt and pepper to taste
What you do:
Throw everything EXCEPT noodles into a large pot and simmer for about an hour or until the vegetables are done.
Add noodles and cook until done.
Adjust salt and pepper to taste.
Yum! So simple and basic and perfect to nourish a really sick hubbie who is just coming home from work after 3 days. :( Poor thing.
This is my own recipe.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Our Journey to adoption: Part Two
I brought Sarah and Alana home on November 24, 2003, 2 days before Thanksgiving. When I look back on it now I remember how easy it was to have a 5 month old and 4 year old just fall into my world. It gave me a purpose and made me happy. Jonah and I loved those girls and cared for them, believing that they would be gone by January and we would then again wait for another placement. The problem was, we were grieving and those girls were fast becoming our rays of sunshine in a very dismal inferility nightmare. It didn't take long for us to see them as a part of our family.
When the court date came and we were told the girls would be staying another 6 months I knew it was time to start looking into adoption. All I had ever heard was that a domestic infant adoption took about 2 years and so, in February of 2004, I pushed Jonah into going to a meeting with an adoption ministry we had heard about. There was SO much new information and it was all SO overwhelming for me. As I stand here today, 7 years later, I realize how much more difficult it was for me and I wish there was someone who could have really guided me and answered my questions. I just had to kinda wing it and figure things out on my own. If you know anyone who is adopting and would like some "help" feel free to give them my information.
Surprisingly, we were matched with a birthmom who was due at the end of April. We couldn't have been happier and yet there were SO many red flags. But this was our first adoption and we knew no one else who had adopted or could give us guidance and more than anything, we wanted to be parents.
She was married. DANGEROUS when it comes to adoptions unless both parents are making the decision together. However, we were so excited and expectant that this little boy would be ours that we tried not to worry about the "what-ifs". We had his room ready to go and his closet full of clothes and then, one day, a few weeks before he was due, I picked up the phone and was told the adoption was not going to happen. Again, our world was crashing in. The baby shower was cancelled and I shut the door to his room. I honestly felt at that time, that we may never become parents at all. All the dreams I had ever had for children were standing in front of me but I had NO control over whether I could touch them or not. Everything seemed out of my control, and it was.
We moved on with our life as usual, mostly ignoring the fact that all we wanted was a baby and that we were hurting. On July 22 I went into the baby room, sat in the rocking chair and prayed while I cried. I begged God to give me a son and asked him where he was. I was pleading with Him that we had a baby boy room all ready to go with SUMMER clothes in the closet. That afternoon I got a phone call from the woman who runs the adoption ministry telling me a baby boy was born that morning(around the same time I was sitting in that room) and that the birthmom would like to meet us. The following day, we met our son, Malakai James and our lives were changed forever.
Adoption was now a part of our life and we could not have been happier. This was our journey to adoption but there is still so much more as our journey has continued. I don't know if God has finished writing our adoption story but I do know He has blessed us WAY more than we thought possible in those early days. After Malakai was born we didn't think a birthmom would ever choose us again. It seems like God enjoys challenging my perceptions of things;)
When the court date came and we were told the girls would be staying another 6 months I knew it was time to start looking into adoption. All I had ever heard was that a domestic infant adoption took about 2 years and so, in February of 2004, I pushed Jonah into going to a meeting with an adoption ministry we had heard about. There was SO much new information and it was all SO overwhelming for me. As I stand here today, 7 years later, I realize how much more difficult it was for me and I wish there was someone who could have really guided me and answered my questions. I just had to kinda wing it and figure things out on my own. If you know anyone who is adopting and would like some "help" feel free to give them my information.
Surprisingly, we were matched with a birthmom who was due at the end of April. We couldn't have been happier and yet there were SO many red flags. But this was our first adoption and we knew no one else who had adopted or could give us guidance and more than anything, we wanted to be parents.
She was married. DANGEROUS when it comes to adoptions unless both parents are making the decision together. However, we were so excited and expectant that this little boy would be ours that we tried not to worry about the "what-ifs". We had his room ready to go and his closet full of clothes and then, one day, a few weeks before he was due, I picked up the phone and was told the adoption was not going to happen. Again, our world was crashing in. The baby shower was cancelled and I shut the door to his room. I honestly felt at that time, that we may never become parents at all. All the dreams I had ever had for children were standing in front of me but I had NO control over whether I could touch them or not. Everything seemed out of my control, and it was.
We moved on with our life as usual, mostly ignoring the fact that all we wanted was a baby and that we were hurting. On July 22 I went into the baby room, sat in the rocking chair and prayed while I cried. I begged God to give me a son and asked him where he was. I was pleading with Him that we had a baby boy room all ready to go with SUMMER clothes in the closet. That afternoon I got a phone call from the woman who runs the adoption ministry telling me a baby boy was born that morning(around the same time I was sitting in that room) and that the birthmom would like to meet us. The following day, we met our son, Malakai James and our lives were changed forever.
Adoption was now a part of our life and we could not have been happier. This was our journey to adoption but there is still so much more as our journey has continued. I don't know if God has finished writing our adoption story but I do know He has blessed us WAY more than we thought possible in those early days. After Malakai was born we didn't think a birthmom would ever choose us again. It seems like God enjoys challenging my perceptions of things;)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Our journey to adoption: Part One
Most of you who know us in real life will have heard this story already. However, a few of you have asked me to share on my blog. I couldn't seem to find a post where I had already written this down already and so, here it is.
On our very first outing(I say outing because it wasn't a date at all) Jonah and I sat and talked about what we wanted for the future. We both talked about wanting some children of our "own" (and please do not use this term for biological kids. My kids are just as much my own as if they had come from my body. I didn't know then the pain those words could create in a child.) and adopting 2 or 3. I cannot honestly tell you if we would have actually adopted had God not intervened. But, isn't that what always happens? In our life, God's intervention and direction has been pretty darn clear for us with each adoption.
It was clear in the very beginning of our relationship, which at that point was absolutely nothing, that we planned to adopt when we found our spouses and got married. Once we were married, adoption was the furthest thing from our minds. After being on birth control for 6 months, Jonah finally persuaded me to stop taking them and we expected to get pregnant that first month. Of course, that did not happen but we were still newlyweds and knew that God would do what He thought best.
One hot, summer day, a year after we had married, we headed out to eat lunch at a nearby restaurant. I was extremely nervous as I had something to talk to Jonah about and I wasn't sure how he was going to take it. I knew God had put this on my heart but, for the past 2 weeks, I had not shared it with him.
When we sat down Jonah mentioned that he wanted to talk to me about something so I told him to go ahead. He said, "For the past few weeks I have felt God calling us to do foster care. I'm not sure how you feel about that..."
At this point my mouth is hanging open because this is just what God had laid on my heart as well. We had never talked about foster care before that day but we both knew at that moment that we had better get our rears in gear cause God had made Himself clear. I started researching foster care agencies that very day but it took us until October to be ready for a child to come into our home. We were told that we would have an average of 30 kids a year and we were so excited to introduce these kids to Christ and allow them to have a stable life for the time they were with us.
Just about the time we became certified we got the devastating news that we had a 0% chance of conceiving a child without a donor or doing embryo adoption. We were crushed and it was our darkest hours as a couple. Thankfully, God brought us together as we dealt with this horrifying blow and our marriage is stronger today because of it.
Just 3 weeks after hearing the bad news, we got a phone call asking if we could take 4 siblings into our home for about a month or so. At first I said I wasn't sure as we only wanted one child as our first placement to kind of get our feet wet. When I called Jonah and asked him he told me to go ahead with it since they were only supposed to stay a month. When I called the social worker back I reminded him that we only had a crib and a bed and so he made the decision to place the sisters in our home and the brother's in another. They were 5 months old and 4 years old. I was so excited I could hardly stand it and yet so sad for these precious babies who were having their lives tipped upside down. Our life, as we knew it, would change forever that day and we didn't even know it.
To be continued...
On our very first outing(I say outing because it wasn't a date at all) Jonah and I sat and talked about what we wanted for the future. We both talked about wanting some children of our "own" (and please do not use this term for biological kids. My kids are just as much my own as if they had come from my body. I didn't know then the pain those words could create in a child.) and adopting 2 or 3. I cannot honestly tell you if we would have actually adopted had God not intervened. But, isn't that what always happens? In our life, God's intervention and direction has been pretty darn clear for us with each adoption.
It was clear in the very beginning of our relationship, which at that point was absolutely nothing, that we planned to adopt when we found our spouses and got married. Once we were married, adoption was the furthest thing from our minds. After being on birth control for 6 months, Jonah finally persuaded me to stop taking them and we expected to get pregnant that first month. Of course, that did not happen but we were still newlyweds and knew that God would do what He thought best.
One hot, summer day, a year after we had married, we headed out to eat lunch at a nearby restaurant. I was extremely nervous as I had something to talk to Jonah about and I wasn't sure how he was going to take it. I knew God had put this on my heart but, for the past 2 weeks, I had not shared it with him.
When we sat down Jonah mentioned that he wanted to talk to me about something so I told him to go ahead. He said, "For the past few weeks I have felt God calling us to do foster care. I'm not sure how you feel about that..."
At this point my mouth is hanging open because this is just what God had laid on my heart as well. We had never talked about foster care before that day but we both knew at that moment that we had better get our rears in gear cause God had made Himself clear. I started researching foster care agencies that very day but it took us until October to be ready for a child to come into our home. We were told that we would have an average of 30 kids a year and we were so excited to introduce these kids to Christ and allow them to have a stable life for the time they were with us.
Just about the time we became certified we got the devastating news that we had a 0% chance of conceiving a child without a donor or doing embryo adoption. We were crushed and it was our darkest hours as a couple. Thankfully, God brought us together as we dealt with this horrifying blow and our marriage is stronger today because of it.
Just 3 weeks after hearing the bad news, we got a phone call asking if we could take 4 siblings into our home for about a month or so. At first I said I wasn't sure as we only wanted one child as our first placement to kind of get our feet wet. When I called Jonah and asked him he told me to go ahead with it since they were only supposed to stay a month. When I called the social worker back I reminded him that we only had a crib and a bed and so he made the decision to place the sisters in our home and the brother's in another. They were 5 months old and 4 years old. I was so excited I could hardly stand it and yet so sad for these precious babies who were having their lives tipped upside down. Our life, as we knew it, would change forever that day and we didn't even know it.
To be continued...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Date night
Tonight, the kids go to movie night with their Oma and Opa and Jonah and I get to go on a date. This means no cooking for me! Tomorrow night we'll be having a yummy recipe from The Pioneer Woman. If you haven't checked her out before, please do. She has some pretty yummy things on there:)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
What's for dinner, Thursday?
What it is?
Mom's Veggie Soup
This is my mom's recipe and, although it's extensive, it's really quite good. I'll be serving it with fresh, homemade bread. Please, if you've never tried making bread from scratch, do. It is such a treat and fun to make! Feel free to substitute the canned items with fresh but the canned makes it so much simpler.
What you need:
- 1/2 lb. ground beef
- 4 slices bacon
- 1 large onion
- 1 clove garlic
- 1 can stewed tomatoes
- 5 cans beef broth( I make my own, a recipe for another day)
- 1 can tomato sauce
- 1 can kidney beans, drained
- 1 can corn, drained
- 1 can green beans, drained
- 1 can lima beans(I'm leaving these out as a can was $2.49, to rich for my budget), drained
- 1 can peas(I'm using frozen petite peas as Jonah doesn't like any other), drained
- 3 carrots, peeled and sliced
- 3 zucchini, diced
- 3 red potatoes, diced
- 1 handful of fresh green beans, bite sized
- 1 large fresh brocolli cut into small florets
- 1 C. cauliflower in small florets
- 2 C. cabbage chopped
- 1 C. macaroni
- 1/2 tsp. each basil, rosemary, oregano, salt and pepper
What you do:
- In large pot, cook beef, bacon, onion and garlic.
- Add veggies, broth, beans. DO NOT ADD CABBAGE OR MACARONI NOW.
- Cook for 1 hour.
- Bring to boil and add macaroni and cabbage.
- Cook until macaroni is done.
- Serve right away, topping each serving with some parmesean cheese.
Mom's Veggie Soup
This is my mom's recipe and, although it's extensive, it's really quite good. I'll be serving it with fresh, homemade bread. Please, if you've never tried making bread from scratch, do. It is such a treat and fun to make! Feel free to substitute the canned items with fresh but the canned makes it so much simpler.
What you need:
- 1/2 lb. ground beef
- 4 slices bacon
- 1 large onion
- 1 clove garlic
- 1 can stewed tomatoes
- 5 cans beef broth( I make my own, a recipe for another day)
- 1 can tomato sauce
- 1 can kidney beans, drained
- 1 can corn, drained
- 1 can green beans, drained
- 1 can lima beans(I'm leaving these out as a can was $2.49, to rich for my budget), drained
- 1 can peas(I'm using frozen petite peas as Jonah doesn't like any other), drained
- 3 carrots, peeled and sliced
- 3 zucchini, diced
- 3 red potatoes, diced
- 1 handful of fresh green beans, bite sized
- 1 large fresh brocolli cut into small florets
- 1 C. cauliflower in small florets
- 2 C. cabbage chopped
- 1 C. macaroni
- 1/2 tsp. each basil, rosemary, oregano, salt and pepper
What you do:
- In large pot, cook beef, bacon, onion and garlic.
- Add veggies, broth, beans. DO NOT ADD CABBAGE OR MACARONI NOW.
- Cook for 1 hour.
- Bring to boil and add macaroni and cabbage.
- Cook until macaroni is done.
- Serve right away, topping each serving with some parmesean cheese.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Corn maze craziness
We went to a pumpkin patch today to spend a little family time together. One thing we realized is that it would be better to go do the "fun" stuff with little kids first, instead of waiting till the end of a day out. Justus was not in a happy mood and this is the only picture he would allow us to take. There went taking kids pictures together in front of all those pretty, orange pumpkins.
For some reason they never have enough "cut-outs" for all 7 kids. Call me crazy, they should have them, shouldn't they? ;)
At this pumpkin patch they had a corn maze that the kids were very excited to go through. I was a little excited too as it was my first corn maze in my 32 years. However, the small maze we thought it was going to be just kept going. So we walked...
and walked...
and walked.
Justus wanted to know if we were lost. I was glad to have Jonah with me as I would have been wandering around in there for hours with the kids and would not have been happy. I'm not sure if I want to do another one anytime soon.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Smiling kids
Someone asked how we got all the kids to smile at the same time. Well, we take LOTS of pictures and most of them are duds. More often than not, someone isn't smiling or isn't looking at the camera or is closing their eyes. But once in a while, the timing is just perfect and we get an OK picture.
We do have a few rules when we take pictures:
1) keep a smile on your face. Which for Alana and Isaiah looks like they are in pain most of the time.
2) keep your eyes on the camera at all times.
3) keep your hands to yourself(this is for Malakai who is always trying to bother someone)
Then whoever is taking the picture tries to say something really funny to get those pained expressions to turn into real smiles. I don't seem to be able to do this very well.
This time Jonah used a line from the kids favorite movie "Nacho Libre". "Keep that corn outtama face." Said in a Spanish accent. We all laughed. It worked.
We do have a few rules when we take pictures:
1) keep a smile on your face. Which for Alana and Isaiah looks like they are in pain most of the time.
2) keep your eyes on the camera at all times.
3) keep your hands to yourself(this is for Malakai who is always trying to bother someone)
Then whoever is taking the picture tries to say something really funny to get those pained expressions to turn into real smiles. I don't seem to be able to do this very well.
This time Jonah used a line from the kids favorite movie "Nacho Libre". "Keep that corn outtama face." Said in a Spanish accent. We all laughed. It worked.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
4 months old
Today, Canaan is 4 months old. He is the most played with "toy" around this house and is often fought over who gets to hold him. The kids favorite game is "get-Canaan-to-smile-and-laugh" and he LOVES them all. Nothing else can compare to him and his sweet smile.
As for me? I am SO in love with this baby boy. It's kind of silly but every time I know we're expecting a new little baby I always worry a little bit if I will love this one as much as my others. God definitely made love to grow and expand with each coming blessing.
This babyhood is so precious to me in ways none of my other's have been. I know that, unless God blesses us with a miracle pregnancy, this baby will be my last for many, many years because of state restrictions that we are already pushing over the limit now. We don't know when we are going to begin building the new house and, until that's done, we would not be able to get an approved homestudy. I'm actually surprised we got one this time, to be honest.
So, each day, when I wake up to see Canaan's smiling face I savor each moment I can with this little man I love so much. Yes, he's growing up SO fast but I am really enjoying it!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Fall
Fall has finally come and just as quickly has disappeared today(it was 83). But it's good. I know it will come back soon.
Jonah is on "vacation" right now and we have lots of really fun field trips planned for us as a family while he's home. Our first one took us to an apple orchard where the kids loved running through the apple trees. We took lots of pictures, had lots of yummy goodies and, of course, bought apples.
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