When friends come to visit

    Last weekend we had the privilege of having Canaan's birth siblings and birth mom over for dinner. This was the first time in a year we had seen them, after they had lived with us for a year while their mom and dad worked things out in their lives.
    I waited until the last minute to tell the kids they were coming because I didn't want them to be disappointed and when I told them, you would have thought someone famous was coming to visit. They kept saying, "I can't wait any longer! When will they be here?"
    My oldest said it perfectly when she stated, "Time flies but love stays." Our experience with these kiddos and their Mama have set us on a course that we can not change as we plunge forward with foster care placements. We understand that to love kids, we need to choose to love their parents too. It's so important for the kids even while it seems scary to us foster parents/adoptive parents. I would encourage you to change your perspective about the biological parents. Love them. Right where they are at. Love them. Encourage them to be better people. Teach them. Give them HOPE. As you walk along side their kids and love them, walk alongside the bio parents too. I promise you that you will not regret it, if your heart is in the right place.
   Saying all that, you need to know that it has taken me a LONG time to see this perspective. A. Long. Time. I made so many mistakes. I chose poorly with my words many times.  I didn't see them as Christ sees them. I'm ashamed of that. It's not who I want to be and not who Christ called me to be.
   So, our relationship with our new placements biological parents has just begun. Its awkward but simple. They obviously love their children. They have begun to go to church with us on Sunday mornings. It's so awesome and crazy. The kiddos are slated to return to them and it leaves us with the question of what kind if relationship will continue. With the kids in the picture above, it was easy as they are Canaan's birth moms kids. We have a very open adoption with her so we knew that even though they left to a poor situation with their birth father, we would see them again. With these kids, it has to be more intentional and specific. If you have any advice of how to go from here, please say so! We are considering inviting them for Christmas and possibly Thanksgiving too. That's a lot! However, when the kids see that we have a relationship with their parents, it sets them at ease a bit.
    Adding so many "extras" to your family makes things pretty crazy but the blessings are pretty crazy too!

The past 11 weeks

    These past 11 weeks have been overwhelming, stretching, exhausting and rewarding; not necessarily in that order. To say it frankly, I'm exhausted. I'm up at 6 taking Alana to the bus stop and falling in bed each night by 9:30. Sometimes I'm lucky and am in bed by 9. Asleep. My teenagers aren't even in bed then!
    The best part of my day is when I return from the bus stop and have 30 minutes to read the Bible, drink hot coffee in silence and pray for the day ahead. It changes everything. Sometime during that time, the little girls come wandering downstairs to watch PBS kids while I enjoy the quiet morning a little more.
    Life with all these little/young people is not easy. I find myself ready to throw in the towel half of the day. Things are stressful. That 10 year old just won't. do. his. schoolwork unless I'm sitting next to him and the 6 year old needs constant help. Hello, he's a 1st grader! My high schoolers need direction and reminders to stay on task and I often find them still on the same subject after 3 hours of school. The preschoolers just won't. shut. up. Yes, it's real. And very, very, very loud. I thought having 7 kids was loud but I was mistaken. Throw in a 6 year old and 4 year old twin GIRLS and we've arrived at a new level of I'm-going-to-lose-my-mind around here. The trauma tantrums are just about enough to make me crazy.
    But then, there is so much sweet. SO. MUCH. SWEET. Watching your children love kids from hard places. Realizing THEY could be from those hard places if someone hadn't made a decision for their best. Seeing these little ones meld into our family and feel safe enough to yell and scream and be angry about what's so NOT fair in their little lives. They didn't deserve this. To be placed here, with all these other kids. Strangers. And yet, they have found their spot for now. Sometimes annoying spots but mostly hurt trying to find happiness while away from what they've known. Wanting the old but enjoying the peace and the stability. Always struggling with wanting control. They understand they have so little and so they grasp at it at every chance they can. That's hard for us. It's frustrating when they refuse the choices you've given or rejected the comfort offered. So much pain in such little bodies.
   And then, there are fun things like starting a new school year, my kids going to homecoming and watching them get dressed up and hearing their stories late into the night. Having the pleasure of seeing your young men show glimpses of the types of dads they will be one day. Hearing their dreams, and struggles, and fears. Watching your little guys embrace the new little man as if he were a little brother and seeing a friendship develop.
  These past 3 months have been anything but easy. We knew they wouldn't be. The new kids are slated to be returned early next year. I have more to say about those feeling but for now, it's 9:37 PM and I need to go to sleep!