When friends come to visit

    Last weekend we had the privilege of having Canaan's birth siblings and birth mom over for dinner. This was the first time in a year we had seen them, after they had lived with us for a year while their mom and dad worked things out in their lives.
    I waited until the last minute to tell the kids they were coming because I didn't want them to be disappointed and when I told them, you would have thought someone famous was coming to visit. They kept saying, "I can't wait any longer! When will they be here?"
    My oldest said it perfectly when she stated, "Time flies but love stays." Our experience with these kiddos and their Mama have set us on a course that we can not change as we plunge forward with foster care placements. We understand that to love kids, we need to choose to love their parents too. It's so important for the kids even while it seems scary to us foster parents/adoptive parents. I would encourage you to change your perspective about the biological parents. Love them. Right where they are at. Love them. Encourage them to be better people. Teach them. Give them HOPE. As you walk along side their kids and love them, walk alongside the bio parents too. I promise you that you will not regret it, if your heart is in the right place.
   Saying all that, you need to know that it has taken me a LONG time to see this perspective. A. Long. Time. I made so many mistakes. I chose poorly with my words many times.  I didn't see them as Christ sees them. I'm ashamed of that. It's not who I want to be and not who Christ called me to be.
   So, our relationship with our new placements biological parents has just begun. Its awkward but simple. They obviously love their children. They have begun to go to church with us on Sunday mornings. It's so awesome and crazy. The kiddos are slated to return to them and it leaves us with the question of what kind if relationship will continue. With the kids in the picture above, it was easy as they are Canaan's birth moms kids. We have a very open adoption with her so we knew that even though they left to a poor situation with their birth father, we would see them again. With these kids, it has to be more intentional and specific. If you have any advice of how to go from here, please say so! We are considering inviting them for Christmas and possibly Thanksgiving too. That's a lot! However, when the kids see that we have a relationship with their parents, it sets them at ease a bit.
    Adding so many "extras" to your family makes things pretty crazy but the blessings are pretty crazy too!

The past 11 weeks

    These past 11 weeks have been overwhelming, stretching, exhausting and rewarding; not necessarily in that order. To say it frankly, I'm exhausted. I'm up at 6 taking Alana to the bus stop and falling in bed each night by 9:30. Sometimes I'm lucky and am in bed by 9. Asleep. My teenagers aren't even in bed then!
    The best part of my day is when I return from the bus stop and have 30 minutes to read the Bible, drink hot coffee in silence and pray for the day ahead. It changes everything. Sometime during that time, the little girls come wandering downstairs to watch PBS kids while I enjoy the quiet morning a little more.
    Life with all these little/young people is not easy. I find myself ready to throw in the towel half of the day. Things are stressful. That 10 year old just won't. do. his. schoolwork unless I'm sitting next to him and the 6 year old needs constant help. Hello, he's a 1st grader! My high schoolers need direction and reminders to stay on task and I often find them still on the same subject after 3 hours of school. The preschoolers just won't. shut. up. Yes, it's real. And very, very, very loud. I thought having 7 kids was loud but I was mistaken. Throw in a 6 year old and 4 year old twin GIRLS and we've arrived at a new level of I'm-going-to-lose-my-mind around here. The trauma tantrums are just about enough to make me crazy.
    But then, there is so much sweet. SO. MUCH. SWEET. Watching your children love kids from hard places. Realizing THEY could be from those hard places if someone hadn't made a decision for their best. Seeing these little ones meld into our family and feel safe enough to yell and scream and be angry about what's so NOT fair in their little lives. They didn't deserve this. To be placed here, with all these other kids. Strangers. And yet, they have found their spot for now. Sometimes annoying spots but mostly hurt trying to find happiness while away from what they've known. Wanting the old but enjoying the peace and the stability. Always struggling with wanting control. They understand they have so little and so they grasp at it at every chance they can. That's hard for us. It's frustrating when they refuse the choices you've given or rejected the comfort offered. So much pain in such little bodies.
   And then, there are fun things like starting a new school year, my kids going to homecoming and watching them get dressed up and hearing their stories late into the night. Having the pleasure of seeing your young men show glimpses of the types of dads they will be one day. Hearing their dreams, and struggles, and fears. Watching your little guys embrace the new little man as if he were a little brother and seeing a friendship develop.
  These past 3 months have been anything but easy. We knew they wouldn't be. The new kids are slated to be returned early next year. I have more to say about those feeling but for now, it's 9:37 PM and I need to go to sleep!

Unexpected

Our family just returned from an amazing 12 day road trip across Nevada, Utah, Colorado and Arizona. We spent a week in Vail, Co with my parents and then drove the long way around to get home. Our tourist stops were the Garden of the gods, Mesa Verde, the Grand Canyon and Zion. Along the way we drove along highway 550 and, if you ever get the chance, you must go! It was such a beautiful drive.
The day after we left we received a phone call from our counties placement social worker about three siblings that needed a home. We had not planned on taking three but because they were a little older we said yes and waited to hear if the placement would go through. There was some back and forth trying to find a home in another county that was closer to the parents work but, after a week of trying, no other home was found that would take all three. The whirlwind began with tons of phone calls and information passed back and forth and yesterday, we drove home with three new members of our family for the next few months.
We had the perfect reintroduction into the system too. The time we were given to meet at the office was 2 but we were told to get there early to interact with the kids in between interviews. We arrived at 1:07 and found that none of the workers or the children were even in the office! So, we left to run some errands and then sat in a restaurant waiting for a phone call. It was actually a nice little date.
At about 3 we were told the kids had arrived and we could come any time so we headed out. When we got to the office the placement worker was waiting in the waiting area for us with Peanut anxiously looking for a very tall man, hahaha! She bounded up to me, gave me a high five and turned and rushed back to the visit room to announce us to her sister, Princess. Princess was not as excited and actually wouldn't even look at us but continued to make her "soup". I got down on the floor and tried to engage her but she wasn't having any of it. Soon after, Little Man came in from his interview and was all smiles, high fives and talking. He and Jonah hit it off right away and started playing games. The girls were taken back for their interviews and we played and laughed with Little Man. This was supposed to be more difficult, right?
Two social workers sat with us and we signed paper after paper after paper after paper. Then, just as the whirlwind started, it was over, the kids were strapped into the car and we were driving away. No tears, no crying, no questions. Just happy faces and sweet demeanor's. This went SO different than when we had placements 14 years ago. Jonah commented that after all the craziness, what were we supposed to do now? It all seemed so anticlimactic. So, we danced to "Happy" and listened to "Let it Go" over and over and over again until we got home.
At home we walked the kids around the house, introduced them to our other kids and showed them where things were. Princess hid behind my back and held my hand the whole time but, by dinner time, she was talking and interacting a little more. She and Peanut played dollies with Alana on the floor in the kitchen. None of the kids ate very much dinner at all but gobbled down their salad. After my voracious eaters, its shocking how little some kids eat. I'm sure there's some trauma stuff going on with that too, though.
Bed time was the hardest part of the whole afternoon and, really, it wasn't even bad. No tears or upset. The kids stayed in their beds, they just wouldn't stop playing. Little Man and Canaan wouldn't stop talking until well after 9:30!
Jonah and I know that this honeymoon period won't last forever but, for now, we are in awe of how easy things are going and how well the kids have melded into the house. We will see what the future brings.

Foster care, shmoster care

      To say Jonah and I were pleased when we were told we could become foster parents is an understatement; we were beyond ecstatic. Yup, we're strange. Our future life's plan included fostering children after retirement and I've often told people that we don't plan on having an empty nest for many, many years until our health fails and we are too old. Foster care is our calling. It is a part of who we are as a couple. It's the reason we added on to our house. Being told we could begin 4 years shy of when we had planned(when Isaiah turns 18) was exciting. When the resource family approval social worker(the new term for foster parents is resource family) called to tell me that we couldn't foster because of our family size, we were crushed. Like, seriously and honestly crushed. We had spent hours upon hours in classes and gathering paperwork and spent lots of money on fingerprints, cribs and guns safes to make our home ready because we had initially been told by a social worker that the law had changed and that the supervisor had given the ok. The RFA worker told us no and she was not sure why we were told that. So, I rallied myself, asked her to please contact the state liaison to get things cleared up for sure because I believed the written directives gave clear ways we could be certified and then Jonah and I(and some family and friends) fell to our knees in prayer.
     We know that our fight is not against the RFA workers(cause they REALLY need foster families!). This is spiritual and we were not going to give up without fighting in prayer about this! We were called 2 hours later with the answer. Apparently, we CAN become a certified resource family but can only be placed with sibling sets since they are difficult to place. Cause, ya know, we have "too" many kids to foster just one child at a time but a whole sibling set(the number is irrelevant to them) is just fine. How THAT makes sense is not a concern to me, obviously, but its just a bit comical.
    Our whole home study is ready to go, paperwork done and filled and cribs set up and "placement ready". We await the last step; a social worker to do family interviews to determine whether we are capable to care for more children and determine how many more. This is the last determining factor of whether or not we will be certified. We could end up with a social worker that is encouraging and OK with the fact that we have 6 kids under 18 or we could be connected with one who thinks large families(especially home schooled ones) are weird and hiding something horrible and detrimental. If you care to pray with us for this last step, we would LOVE it and so would the kids who we are looking forward to caring for and loving;) May God get all the glory.
   

A new era is before us

     On January 8, a snarky comment I made on a Facebook post resulted in a social worker calling me that afternoon. As I was saying hello and wondering why a CPS social worker from our county was calling me, my phone alerted me to a text with a friend telling me she had been talking with her social worker about our family and the comment I had made and would be calling me soon. Here I was, with her on the other end of the line, asking me if our family would be interested in taking in a 14 year old girl as a foster placement. I was stunned and confused. You see, in our state, it has been understood that in order to foster kids, we couldn't have so many of our own. Sure, we have plenty of room to house more kids but anyone with more than 6 children couldn't possibly be desiring to foster for anything but the money (huge eye roll here).
     Jonah and I have looked forward to the day when Isaiah turns 18 (technical "adult") so that we could become foster parents once again. It's a calling God laid on our hearts 15 years ago and we knew the time would come for the thumbs up. It seems now is that time and so we have taken the classes(cram courses!), gathered all the paperwork, done the health physicals and TB tests and we wait. We wait for a call from the man who will check our home and say that it's satisfactory and safe. We wait to meet with a worker who will ask us, and our children, way to many personal questions as she/he determines whether we would be acceptable foster parents for children. We wait to have that notification that we are finalized and approved to be foster parents in our county and, of course, we wait for that first call. And the second. And the twentieth.
     We initially said yes to that young girl but that has not panned out. It DID, however, set us on a course for what we've been called to do and has opened doors for us that we believed to be slammed shut. We are both a little stunned at how this has all happened in the past few weeks and changed the trajectory of the next few years we thought were all 'situated'. As we move forward I will be sharing some thoughts and posts about fostering, our children's part in all this and preparing yourself to bring a trauma child home. It's scary and worrisome and a whole lot of work. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

Safe Families for Children

    Have any of you heard about this organization? It's pretty awesome. Jonah and I have been involved for a few years and have really enjoyed it.
    Safe Families is a non profit that is, basically, foster care prevention. Host families take care of children in crisis from families who are trying to get help before CPS steps in. It is a Christian ministry and strives to create relationship between host families and crisis families. The families are usually those who have no support around them to help them in their crisis and sometimes, having someone to listen and encourage, is just what they need.
  Our family is a host family and we have hosted a total of 7 kids over the last 2 years. One thing that is completely different than foster care is the relationship with the parents usually stays well and intact because the parent is the one who made the choice to place the child.
   Reasons for placing a child in a hosting are many but it is usually because of homelessness, planned jail time and unexpected unemployment(in my experience). There is a plan put in place for how long the child will be hosted and the parent retains all rights and is able to retrieve their child at any time.
   Is this something you think your family would consider or has becoming a foster parent been what you'd like to do but all that emotional mess isn't your cup of tea? I would highly recommend signing up to be a Safe Family Host Family! You can also be a Family Coach or Resource Family(since no one is getting funds) if you aren't in the place to have kids in your home.
   Check them out! Safe Families for Children

A year is over

   A year is a long time to house children that are not yours. We loved, parented, disciplined, held and comforted children that weren't ours for over a year. A year, 2 months and 21 days, to be exact. After a holiday visit that CPS required, the children were held by their father and there is nothing anyone can do about it. They will not be returned.

  I find myself in mixed emotion daily. Having 3 less children makes for a MUCH quieter house and peace to allow me to get tons of projects done, homeschool my children and spend quality time with each. If I'm honest, it's been very pleasurable, almost to the point of guilt. On the other hand, we had just begun telling people we had 10 kids when they asked (after a year, it seemed silly that we only said 7), we were just beginning to get into the groove (truly) of having 3 extra little ones, we bought a new car to seat us all. Things were getting "easier" and more fun and the kids were beginning to really take to heart that the "visiting" kids weren't leaving anytime soon. We knew they would never become Winger's but that was OK. We loved them, they loved us. We wanted them returned to a safe home once their mom was able and CPS said they could return.

   Today I found myself telling one of the kids to make sure to throw something away because, "I don't want it on the floor where A can put it in his mouth." That child reminded me the baby was gone now. I spent this weekend cleaning and organizing the crib, pack and play, stroller, high chairs, baby gate play area, toys, clothes and shoes and getting them ready to be packed away, given back or donated. My house is clean and organized and it's wonderful but, they are not here. That's hard. And painful. And sad. I pray multiple times a day that they are safe and fed and loved and hugged and heard. This is the hardest part. I know they are not. This is what hurts the most. Not the missing them or wanting their sweet smiles or cuddles. It's the not knowing. The wanting-to-protect-them-but-you-can't and praying CPS will do their job and  keep them safe. I just need to know they're safe.

***we were not foster parents and in the system. This was an odd gray area that we were working to figure out.

The "Visit"

Last night the kids and I met Sarah and Alana's birth brother's at a pizza place half way between their house and ours. It has been FIVE years since we have seen them and their mom. To say Sarah was excited is an understatement. She was glowing and yet, when we walked into the building she became silent and shy.

We definitely know that Sarah's height is genetic. M and T are SO tall at only 12 and 13. Both of them tower over me! If they are any indication, Sarah(and probably Alana too) will be pretty tall.

Last night Sarah's eyes were opened a little bit from the way she always thought things were but wouldn't listen to me about the facts. You see, a lot of things have changed for her. She sees things in a different way than she did when she was 6. What she remembers of her time with her birth mother is all fairies and butterflies and what the boy's remember terrify them to the point of fear. I think it was/is a coping mechanism for her and that is fine. Sarah, for her first 4 years, was those boy's caretaker even though they were her older brothers. She remembers some really good times with them and I am sure, because of the horribleness of what she doesn't remember, has bonded to them in a special way.

Both M and T have some mental disabilities that Sarah has denied and told me that I didn't know what I was talking about. Last night, she realized I was right and it was very eye opening for her to see and understand things a bit better of the reality of why she was removed from her birth mother's care. I was a little concerned about how she would deal with it all but we talked the whole way home. I was able to share with her a little more of her story and the why's of things and she seemed to move to a new level of understanding with it all.

One other thing we learned is that their birth mother has had 3 or 4 more children since her rights were terminated with these kids. Sarah's response was, "You have GOT to be kidding me!" I have no idea where those children are but I can just pray they are somewhere safe and loved. It makes me so sad for those kids and yet I am SO thankful that God placed these precious girls in our home to become our daughter's.

If you think about it, you could pray for Sarah. The aftermath of visits always used to put her into a bit of a funky sadness. She seems fine today but I'm not sure she would share with me her hurt or sadness right now either. Learning all of this can not be easy at 11 and I just pray God would protect her heart and comfort her completely!

P.S. Just so there is no confusion this visit was only with the girls' birth brother's. The "mom" I am talking about is the boy's mom, not their birth mother.

SEVEN years!

Haha, I know this is a horrible picture but it's the only one I have that is recent.


Today, we celebrate our girls' 7 year gotcha day! It seems amazing that they have been in our home for seven years, such a long time. I am so blessed.
I can't, however, stop from thinking that today was a very traumatic day for them so long ago. Sarah doesn't remember much except for "throwing a really bad tantrum and hitting Jesse(the social worker)as hard as I could cause I didn't want to sit in the police car." I can't imagine what she was feeling, at 4 years old, and not understanding what in the world was happening.
Honestly, gotcha days are supposed to be happy days but there is no way I can remember this day without sadness in my heart. I can't forget the reasons why these girls are no longer with their birth family and the stories and documents I've read of all they endured.

If you'd like to read what I have written the past few years which tells a bit more about that night you can go to last years post, and and a post from 3 years ago.

Happy Gotcha Day to the 2 most beautiful, loving and happy little girls I know! I am beyond blessed to be called your mom.

Our Adoption Journey: Part 3

It's date night again and so I thought you might like the next installment of our adoption journey. :)


The month before Malakai was born the girls' birthmom had her second court date to decide whether or not the girl's would go back to her or not. We had continued to drive the two hours each week for the court mandated 2 hour visits even though their birthmom made maybe one out of every 6 visits. There was a lot of tension there between us and my idea of reaching out to her quickly went down the drain. Without giving all the details(because they are something that should be the girls' to share when and if they want to) their birthmom just wasn't doing any part of her plan and so the court decided to give it another 6 months.

By the time that 3rd court date came around the girls had been with us for over a year; Alana was 19 months old and Sarah was 5 1/2. While Sarah still called us Faith and Jonah we were the only parents Alana knew and the thought of her being taken away at that vulnerable age and put into a situation we knew was not good scared the daylights out of us. Don't get me wrong, we didn't want Sarah to go either, but she had a relationship with her birthmom and, while we were scared for her safety and future, we knew, or rather hoped, that she wouldn't feel abandoned.

I'll tell you, it is a very hard thing to love a child knowing that they may be taken away and exposed to things and dangerous situations that you only wanted to protect them from. There were times that I was SO scared I would loose these girls for good and then other times that I just wished they would take them away because I was scared of the hurt if they stayed longer. It would be so much easier emotionally. How selfish, huh? Each court date was a day of nerves and emotions and upsets when the decision was, yet again, put off for another day.

Finally, 20 months after they were placed with us, parental rights were terminated. The amazing thing about it all for me was that on that day, with Jonah and I sitting in that court room, the girls' birthmom actually told the judge that she wanted us to adopt the girls because she knew what good care we took of them and that we loved them. I cried buckets of tears because of my joy and my sorrow. This woman was losing her children for good and it broke my heart and yet I was JOYFUL that these girls would be MINE forever. It is a careful dance, adoption, to hold in tension your own joy while you ponder, appreciate and recognize someone else's sorrow and loss.

2 1/2 years after they came into our home we adopted Sarah Ellyn and Alana Faith along with finalizing Malakai's on the same day. It was a bit anticlimatic for us, honestly. We didn't need a judge to tell us what we already knew. These kids were ours. They were Winger's. Finally.

Look for the next chapter in our adoption journey in a few weeks.

Our Journey to adoption: Part Two

I brought Sarah and Alana home on November 24, 2003, 2 days before Thanksgiving. When I look back on it now I remember how easy it was to have a 5 month old and 4 year old just fall into my world. It gave me a purpose and made me happy. Jonah and I loved those girls and cared for them, believing that they would be gone by January and we would then again wait for another placement. The problem was, we were grieving and those girls were fast becoming our rays of sunshine in a very dismal inferility nightmare. It didn't take long for us to see them as a part of our family.

When the court date came and we were told the girls would be staying another 6 months I knew it was time to start looking into adoption. All I had ever heard was that a domestic infant adoption took about 2 years and so, in February of 2004, I pushed Jonah into going to a meeting with an adoption ministry we had heard about. There was SO much new information and it was all SO overwhelming for me. As I stand here today, 7 years later, I realize how much more difficult it was for me and I wish there was someone who could have really guided me and answered my questions. I just had to kinda wing it and figure things out on my own. If you know anyone who is adopting and would like some "help" feel free to give them my information.

Surprisingly, we were matched with a birthmom who was due at the end of April. We couldn't have been happier and yet there were SO many red flags. But this was our first adoption and we knew no one else who had adopted or could give us guidance and more than anything, we wanted to be parents.

She was married. DANGEROUS when it comes to adoptions unless both parents are making the decision together. However, we were so excited and expectant that this little boy would be ours that we tried not to worry about the "what-ifs". We had his room ready to go and his closet full of clothes and then, one day, a few weeks before he was due, I picked up the phone and was told the adoption was not going to happen. Again, our world was crashing in. The baby shower was cancelled and I shut the door to his room. I honestly felt at that time, that we may never become parents at all. All the dreams I had ever had for children were standing in front of me but I had NO control over whether I could touch them or not. Everything seemed out of my control, and it was.

We moved on with our life as usual, mostly ignoring the fact that all we wanted was a baby and that we were hurting. On July 22 I went into the baby room, sat in the rocking chair and prayed while I cried. I begged God to give me a son and asked him where he was. I was pleading with Him that we had a baby boy room all ready to go with SUMMER clothes in the closet. That afternoon I got a phone call from the woman who runs the adoption ministry telling me a baby boy was born that morning(around the same time I was sitting in that room) and that the birthmom would like to meet us. The following day, we met our son, Malakai James and our lives were changed forever.

Adoption was now a part of our life and we could not have been happier. This was our journey to adoption but there is still so much more as our journey has continued. I don't know if God has finished writing our adoption story but I do know He has blessed us WAY more than we thought possible in those early days. After Malakai was born we didn't think a birthmom would ever choose us again. It seems like God enjoys challenging my perceptions of things;)

Our journey to adoption: Part One

Most of you who know us in real life will have heard this story already. However, a few of you have asked me to share on my blog. I couldn't seem to find a post where I had already written this down already and so, here it is.

On our very first outing(I say outing because it wasn't a date at all) Jonah and I sat and talked about what we wanted for the future. We both talked about wanting some children of our "own" (and please do not use this term for biological kids. My kids are just as much my own as if they had come from my body. I didn't know then the pain those words could create in a child.) and adopting 2 or 3. I cannot honestly tell you if we would have actually adopted had God not intervened. But, isn't that what always happens? In our life, God's intervention and direction has been pretty darn clear for us with each adoption.

It was clear in the very beginning of our relationship, which at that point was absolutely nothing, that we planned to adopt when we found our spouses and got married. Once we were married, adoption was the furthest thing from our minds. After being on birth control for 6 months, Jonah finally persuaded me to stop taking them and we expected to get pregnant that first month. Of course, that did not happen but we were still newlyweds and knew that God would do what He thought best.

One hot, summer day, a year after we had married, we headed out to eat lunch at a nearby restaurant. I was extremely nervous as I had something to talk to Jonah about and I wasn't sure how he was going to take it. I knew God had put this on my heart but, for the past 2 weeks, I had not shared it with him.

When we sat down Jonah mentioned that he wanted to talk to me about something so I told him to go ahead. He said, "For the past few weeks I have felt God calling us to do foster care. I'm not sure how you feel about that..."

At this point my mouth is hanging open because this is just what God had laid on my heart as well. We had never talked about foster care before that day but we both knew at that moment that we had better get our rears in gear cause God had made Himself clear. I started researching foster care agencies that very day but it took us until October to be ready for a child to come into our home. We were told that we would have an average of 30 kids a year and we were so excited to introduce these kids to Christ and allow them to have a stable life for the time they were with us.

Just about the time we became certified we got the devastating news that we had a 0% chance of conceiving a child without a donor or doing embryo adoption. We were crushed and it was our darkest hours as a couple. Thankfully, God brought us together as we dealt with this horrifying blow and our marriage is stronger today because of it.

Just 3 weeks after hearing the bad news, we got a phone call asking if we could take 4 siblings into our home for about a month or so. At first I said I wasn't sure as we only wanted one child as our first placement to kind of get our feet wet. When I called Jonah and asked him he told me to go ahead with it since they were only supposed to stay a month. When I called the social worker back I reminded him that we only had a crib and a bed and so he made the decision to place the sisters in our home and the brother's in another. They were 5 months old and 4 years old. I was so excited I could hardly stand it and yet so sad for these precious babies who were having their lives tipped upside down. Our life, as we knew it, would change forever that day and we didn't even know it.

To be continued...

New California foster care regulations

This morning Jonah told me about new foster care regulations in the state of California limiting the number of children to 6 in any home(including bio and adopted kids). You can read the article here. While this may seem like a fabulous idea to some, I think it is just setting the already crumbling and failing foster system for more failure.

The first thing that concerns me is that there is already a HUGE lack for foster homes. They never have enough homes and many children, who would be best served in a private home, end up in a group home just because there is an available bed. So, if they limit the total number of children in a household, where will all the children go? It seems to be setting us up for opening orphanages again in the U.S., what is the other alternative?

Another thing about the article that disturbs me is that they are pointing out this woman as if she commited murder. There was a fire in her home and, unfortunately, the child who died was a foster child. What does it matter how many children she had in the home? Most of them were teenagers! Already most foster parents are viewed with suspicion and the media loves to play up situations like this. The article mentions that the little girl suffered 11 other injuries in the home. Anyone who has multiple children understands this is in no way indicative of the foster's mom's care, it just happens! Anyone that knows Malakai knows that he ALWAYS has a bump, bruise or scrape on him somewhere. I am not saying that there isn't abuse in some foster homes but I think they are punishing the children based on a few cases instead of looking at the whole.

Overall, there are so many more things the state can do to protect these children. Number ONE is to actually make their monthly appointments they are mandated to make! In the 2 1/2 years we had the girls our county social worker came to our home ONE time right before adoption(he was supposed to come once a month). If they are actually doing their job, have a relationship with the foster parents and children and make their appointments a priority it would go far to weed out those foster parents who are less than honest and in it for the money(which is not good to start with). Now I do understand that the social workers are overworked to the max but cutting the number of children in a home is not going to make that better.

All that to say, it looks like Jonah and I may never be able to foster again like we wanted. Our whole reason for building our huge future house was to have enough rooms to welcome foster children(and any other children) in to love and care for them. It makes me sad that God's calling on our life is being prohibited in a way now. And I am very sad for all the children this is going to affect.

Birth certificates

Yesterday we got the girl's new birth certificates with their new names and our names on them. Somehow it seems strange to me that they would issue a new birth cert. with their birthparents names taken out and ours put in. It just strikes me as odd. I mean the fact is that J and M were Sarah's parents at the time she was born(no I don't like it but it's fact) and for 4 years after that for the most part (depends on what you define parent as). For Alana it's a bit different just because she was so young but for Sarah it just doesn't seem right. I showed them to her yesterday and told her how strange I thought it was. Her response? "But Mom, J isn't my Mom anymore and right there (pointing to the BC) it says Mother's Maiden Name. That's you." I am glad that she sees it so easy, I just cannot.

Belated Gotcha Day!

Because it was Thanksgiving I forgot to post that the girls' 3rd Gotcha Day was November 24th. In case you don't know the adoption lingo of Gotcha Day it is the day in which an adopted child comes into your care (not the day they were adopted). I truly can't believe it has been 3 years! I am too tired today to write the story (long day at D'land) and I really don't feel like getting teary-eyed right now so maybe I'll find some time in the next few days. Happy Gotcha Day my beautiful princesses!

BTW, prayers are still needed for Jonah. He went back to work today and is not doing well at all. His lungs are completely tight and he can hardly stop coughing. NOTHING seems to be working for him, even antibiotics. Please pray...

Foster Care

Jonah and I attended a meeting on Saturday from 9-2 to get licensed to be foster parents in our county. It was a long and boring meeting and we knew everything they had to say but it is mandatory if you want to do foster care. We also need to do 11 weeks of training; once a week for 3 hours and then go through the whole foster care homestudy process. It was a bit daunting thinking about what we are going through with this adoption and we even talked about whether or not we wanted to do this (on our 15 minute break). By the end of the class though we both knew that even though it is a TON of effort we were called by God to do foster care. It is not fun or pleasant but if God called us how can we say no? Some may wonder if we can handle it, of course we can and again I say, "How can we tell God no?" Besides I truly beleive that God will not give us more than we can handle. What would that be teaching our children about being obedient to God's calling? We decided that IF we get licensed before baby Winger comes home from Liberia we will take placements but will take off 2 or 3 months after we come home with Baby Winger. I guess you could say it is all in God's hands now and we shall see what happens. We are excited about the future of our family and more and more seeing peace about being "tied" down with a family of young kids. What a wonderful problem to have!!!

Pool day with friends

Today I decided to have a pool day and let Sarah invite some of her friends over from the street. Four girls got to come and they are having such a fun time. The best part (for me) is that they are all fost/adopt kids (3 are sisters) and don't mind talking about it. They are relating to each other with things we could only dream about and it makes me so happy that God put us here. He truly knew where we needed to be, or rather where our kids needed to be. There is no way that they will ever feel out of place here in regards to how they came to our family. The only thing would be Sarah feeling out of place because she is the only white one of them all. She's just gonna have to get used to that, I guess. There are quite a few more around here but these are the ones Sarah has gotten closest too so far. Just wanted to share!

Getting to work today

We are going to leave in a little while to go get some notarizing done. One more step in this long process and it seems like there is SOOO much more to go before we can bring our baby boy home. On our way home we are going to swing by the agencies office and drop off our application, contract and check to get our file started. There will truly be no turning back now after giving up $2,000 on this thing, Jonah wouldn't hear of it. We might as well keep trucking forward. But it is going to be SO worth it when we hold our little boy in our arms for the first time! A new friend of ours from church just received their referral of their little girl from China on Monday and it was so great to see her picture and hear how excited her Mommy and Daddy are to go and bring her home. I can't wait for it to be our turn!
On another note, Jonah and I are insane. Did you know that? I wonder what we are thinking sometimes. We are seriously thinking about finding a foster agency here to start fostering again while we wait for our baby to come home. We know that God called us to foster and we can't seem to get that we need to be doing it out of our hearts. We are praying about it to see whether God wants us to start now or wait till after we bring our son home. I am really feeling the call to start now. We'll see what happens. I never thought that after the girls' ordeal I would willingly jump back into fostering, it was SOOO hard and I was emotionally drained for a full 2 years but I seem to look back and say to myself, "It wasn't really THAT bad", when in my heart I know that it was. I guess it's a little bit like labor and a birthmom saying, 'I will never do that again" but then after a few months say "I want another one! "
Yesterday I started "school" with Alana and she is SO excited about being such a big girl. She's 3 now ya know. We started on the first lesson of "Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons". I had tried it a few months back with her and she wasn't ready but she is now. I am so impressed that she can do these lessons, truly I am. We may not be able to go very far with them yet but it's worth a try. I figure if she already knows all the letters and their sounds she should be ready to read, right? I'll let you now how she is doing with it. The cutest thing is that Kai sits with us and copies right back when I say to repeat after me. His sounds aren't very good but he is trying.
Sarah is still gone and we miss her so much around here. Things just aren't the same without her and her brother and sister miss her too. Alana is always asking when Sissy is going to come home and Kai will say, "Darah" when he sees her picture and blow her a kiss. I can't wait to see her smiling face walk off that airplane on Sunday!
Wow, that was a long post. Enough for now.

Alana's turning 3! Yikes!

Much to mine and Jonah's amazment Alana will be turning 3 this Thursday. We had a little "party" yesterday during Father's Day at my parents house and she thought it was the coolest thing. I made her a birthday cake and she was a pro blowing the candles out. Her biggest present was a new 2 wheeler bike from my Grandma and Papa and she adores it.
On a sentimental note, we are amazed at God's blessing in our life with the gift of our daughter. Alana is one of the most loving and affectionate little girls I have ever met and is always making people smile wherever she goes. God has blessed her with the sweetest spirit but with fire behind it too! She definitely keeps us on our toes. It is hard to believe that just 3 short years ago our baby girl was being born without our knowledge into a horrible situation and the worst odds and had to endure 5 whole months of neglect before she was in our arms for good. It breaks my heart to think of what she went through those few months and wish that I could have been there from the beginning able to see her as a newborn, open her eyes for the first time, laugh for the first time (and boy can she laugh), and smile for the first time. I thank God that I was able to see her first tooth break through, be there when she sat up for the first time, rolled over, ate peas, said her first word and finally walked. It is such a blessing that I was able to be there for those special moments as she has grown and blossomed into a beautiful little girl that loves God and will tell everyone that He is in her heart. I love my Lana girl with all my heart and can't imagine what my life would have been like if exactly 3 years ago, while she was brand new God had not put foster care on our hearts and we had not been obedient.
With that said it is a great picture of how being obeidient to God may not be convienient but in the end He will bless you for doing what He has asked.
Happy Birthday Alana!

Counting down

We are very much counting down to "adoption day" and today we have only 15 days left. I am taking the kids tomorrow to court in the county they were placed into foster care to meet with the judge that "gave us our kids" so to speak. There is a hearing for Alana about her possibly being a part of a native american tribe and they will terminate all tribes rights tomorrow at the hearing. This judge specifically asked for us to be there so that she could see the girls and meet us, although Jonah is working and won't be able to be there. Since we aren't finalizing their adoptions in that county the judge wanted to see where her decisions had put these precious little girls. I am happy that this is one more final step in making them "official". This judge really has been amazing. She has seen this case go through since it's inception almost 4 1/2 years ago when the kids were initially placed in foster care for a few weeks and then went home to thier birthmom. Then 2 1/2 years ago she got handed the case again when the kids were placed and has been the judge making all the decisions about the fate of these kids. I am so glad she chose adoption! Not just because I love my girls but because the situation they would have gone back to scared the living day lights out of me. I do have to say I can't wait for all the court hearings and paper work to be over with!