When friends come to visit

    Last weekend we had the privilege of having Canaan's birth siblings and birth mom over for dinner. This was the first time in a year we had seen them, after they had lived with us for a year while their mom and dad worked things out in their lives.
    I waited until the last minute to tell the kids they were coming because I didn't want them to be disappointed and when I told them, you would have thought someone famous was coming to visit. They kept saying, "I can't wait any longer! When will they be here?"
    My oldest said it perfectly when she stated, "Time flies but love stays." Our experience with these kiddos and their Mama have set us on a course that we can not change as we plunge forward with foster care placements. We understand that to love kids, we need to choose to love their parents too. It's so important for the kids even while it seems scary to us foster parents/adoptive parents. I would encourage you to change your perspective about the biological parents. Love them. Right where they are at. Love them. Encourage them to be better people. Teach them. Give them HOPE. As you walk along side their kids and love them, walk alongside the bio parents too. I promise you that you will not regret it, if your heart is in the right place.
   Saying all that, you need to know that it has taken me a LONG time to see this perspective. A. Long. Time. I made so many mistakes. I chose poorly with my words many times.  I didn't see them as Christ sees them. I'm ashamed of that. It's not who I want to be and not who Christ called me to be.
   So, our relationship with our new placements biological parents has just begun. Its awkward but simple. They obviously love their children. They have begun to go to church with us on Sunday mornings. It's so awesome and crazy. The kiddos are slated to return to them and it leaves us with the question of what kind if relationship will continue. With the kids in the picture above, it was easy as they are Canaan's birth moms kids. We have a very open adoption with her so we knew that even though they left to a poor situation with their birth father, we would see them again. With these kids, it has to be more intentional and specific. If you have any advice of how to go from here, please say so! We are considering inviting them for Christmas and possibly Thanksgiving too. That's a lot! However, when the kids see that we have a relationship with their parents, it sets them at ease a bit.
    Adding so many "extras" to your family makes things pretty crazy but the blessings are pretty crazy too!

Safe Families for Children

    Have any of you heard about this organization? It's pretty awesome. Jonah and I have been involved for a few years and have really enjoyed it.
    Safe Families is a non profit that is, basically, foster care prevention. Host families take care of children in crisis from families who are trying to get help before CPS steps in. It is a Christian ministry and strives to create relationship between host families and crisis families. The families are usually those who have no support around them to help them in their crisis and sometimes, having someone to listen and encourage, is just what they need.
  Our family is a host family and we have hosted a total of 7 kids over the last 2 years. One thing that is completely different than foster care is the relationship with the parents usually stays well and intact because the parent is the one who made the choice to place the child.
   Reasons for placing a child in a hosting are many but it is usually because of homelessness, planned jail time and unexpected unemployment(in my experience). There is a plan put in place for how long the child will be hosted and the parent retains all rights and is able to retrieve their child at any time.
   Is this something you think your family would consider or has becoming a foster parent been what you'd like to do but all that emotional mess isn't your cup of tea? I would highly recommend signing up to be a Safe Family Host Family! You can also be a Family Coach or Resource Family(since no one is getting funds) if you aren't in the place to have kids in your home.
   Check them out! Safe Families for Children

An even dozen

     When Jonah and I met he told me he wanted 11 kids. I was hooked. Even though God has only seen fit to bless us with 7 of our own we had the opportunity to have 11 kids in our care for 3 1/2 months. This, of course, happened just before we moved into our new 2,400 sq. ft. addition where the said children caused all sorts of  chaos and mayhem. Last week, we again have the privilege of caring for these kids, along with their 8 month old baby brother, and things are even crazier than before. This time, however, we went into it prepared. My schedule is strict, the older kids have NO right to discipline or reprimand and must come to me and I am letting NOTHING go. Our resident drama queens are held in very strict rules as to their words and conduct with the "non Winger" kids.
     It's a very difficult thing, parenting children who live SO differently than the way you do. They are allowed to stay up very late, despite their being only 6, 4, 3, 2 and 8 months. Here, they are in bed by 7, along with my 5 year old, and BOY do they throw a fit about it! They are always saying, "But, it's morning time!" I love when their mom puts them in their place and sides with me. Tonight, while having their phone chat, the 4 year old tells her mom, "Well, we are in bed even though it's still morning time but Faith always makes us go to bed when it' morning time." Her mom told her she was wrong and the look on her face was great. I was right! Her mom said so!

     When you choose to love children that are not yours and you know will return to their parents at some point, it becomes an amazing balance of trying not to tie your hearts with theirs but also knowing you must. I watch my children fall in love with the babies and my heart breaks knowing they will hurt when they leave. I know, however, how important it is for these children to feel loved and cared for wholeheartedly while they are here. They need to know they belong here and this is their home for however long they will be. I watch as my children's hearts get torn out saying goodbye and wonder if this is, truly, for the best. But then I remember, this is who WE are. This is what God called our FAMILY too and if they have the Winger name they are called to serve in this way. They need to learn how to love and let go and pray fervently for those kids when they think of them. They need to learn to love another outside of their family and serve these kids with all that they are. This is our mission field. It is hard. It is challenging at times but it is SUCH a blessing to US!

Judah is 6!

My tiny, little cutie patootie baby boy is now SIX YEARS OLD! Time is flying by with this little man! Yes, I know the jacket is purple but my boys are cool like that;)

One thing that I forgot to mention in my last "catching up" post is a ministry a friend, her husband and I have started at our church! It is called Safe Families and is an amazing ministry. Here is what the site says about the reason for SF:

"Safe Families for Children is a movement of hundreds of families of faith who have opened their homes to care for children whose parents are struggling. By demonstrating Biblical Hospitality, Safe Families for Children returns the church to the forefront of caring for orphans and widows - where historically
the church was the leader."

Safe Families is NOT foster care and the host families are not compensated at all. Parents retain all of their rights and can reclaim their children at any moment. This is the step that is missing from the state system; help for those who need it BEFORE things get bad enough for the state to step in. It has been amazing to watch people get passionate about this and see lives being changed. "Our"(and by that I do NOT mean Jonah and I) first placement was of 2 month old twin boys. These boys' mom needed some help and asked SF to find a temporary placement for them while she got her life in order and my friend and her husband said yes. They have 3 girls of their own and have now been caring for these precious boy's for 2 months! We are all watching as people in our church are coming along side the mom in crisis and being her friend, mentoring her and just being there. People are volunteering their time to help watch the twins so that the host family can have some "family" time. Formula, diapers and wipes are being mailed in from all over to help with the cost of ministering to these babies(and their mom).

If this is something that you think you or your church may be interested in, please check it out! Amazing stuff being done in the name of Christ!