A new era is before us

     On January 8, a snarky comment I made on a Facebook post resulted in a social worker calling me that afternoon. As I was saying hello and wondering why a CPS social worker from our county was calling me, my phone alerted me to a text with a friend telling me she had been talking with her social worker about our family and the comment I had made and would be calling me soon. Here I was, with her on the other end of the line, asking me if our family would be interested in taking in a 14 year old girl as a foster placement. I was stunned and confused. You see, in our state, it has been understood that in order to foster kids, we couldn't have so many of our own. Sure, we have plenty of room to house more kids but anyone with more than 6 children couldn't possibly be desiring to foster for anything but the money (huge eye roll here).
     Jonah and I have looked forward to the day when Isaiah turns 18 (technical "adult") so that we could become foster parents once again. It's a calling God laid on our hearts 15 years ago and we knew the time would come for the thumbs up. It seems now is that time and so we have taken the classes(cram courses!), gathered all the paperwork, done the health physicals and TB tests and we wait. We wait for a call from the man who will check our home and say that it's satisfactory and safe. We wait to meet with a worker who will ask us, and our children, way to many personal questions as she/he determines whether we would be acceptable foster parents for children. We wait to have that notification that we are finalized and approved to be foster parents in our county and, of course, we wait for that first call. And the second. And the twentieth.
     We initially said yes to that young girl but that has not panned out. It DID, however, set us on a course for what we've been called to do and has opened doors for us that we believed to be slammed shut. We are both a little stunned at how this has all happened in the past few weeks and changed the trajectory of the next few years we thought were all 'situated'. As we move forward I will be sharing some thoughts and posts about fostering, our children's part in all this and preparing yourself to bring a trauma child home. It's scary and worrisome and a whole lot of work. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

A year is over

   A year is a long time to house children that are not yours. We loved, parented, disciplined, held and comforted children that weren't ours for over a year. A year, 2 months and 21 days, to be exact. After a holiday visit that CPS required, the children were held by their father and there is nothing anyone can do about it. They will not be returned.

  I find myself in mixed emotion daily. Having 3 less children makes for a MUCH quieter house and peace to allow me to get tons of projects done, homeschool my children and spend quality time with each. If I'm honest, it's been very pleasurable, almost to the point of guilt. On the other hand, we had just begun telling people we had 10 kids when they asked (after a year, it seemed silly that we only said 7), we were just beginning to get into the groove (truly) of having 3 extra little ones, we bought a new car to seat us all. Things were getting "easier" and more fun and the kids were beginning to really take to heart that the "visiting" kids weren't leaving anytime soon. We knew they would never become Winger's but that was OK. We loved them, they loved us. We wanted them returned to a safe home once their mom was able and CPS said they could return.

   Today I found myself telling one of the kids to make sure to throw something away because, "I don't want it on the floor where A can put it in his mouth." That child reminded me the baby was gone now. I spent this weekend cleaning and organizing the crib, pack and play, stroller, high chairs, baby gate play area, toys, clothes and shoes and getting them ready to be packed away, given back or donated. My house is clean and organized and it's wonderful but, they are not here. That's hard. And painful. And sad. I pray multiple times a day that they are safe and fed and loved and hugged and heard. This is the hardest part. I know they are not. This is what hurts the most. Not the missing them or wanting their sweet smiles or cuddles. It's the not knowing. The wanting-to-protect-them-but-you-can't and praying CPS will do their job and  keep them safe. I just need to know they're safe.

***we were not foster parents and in the system. This was an odd gray area that we were working to figure out.

An even dozen

     When Jonah and I met he told me he wanted 11 kids. I was hooked. Even though God has only seen fit to bless us with 7 of our own we had the opportunity to have 11 kids in our care for 3 1/2 months. This, of course, happened just before we moved into our new 2,400 sq. ft. addition where the said children caused all sorts of  chaos and mayhem. Last week, we again have the privilege of caring for these kids, along with their 8 month old baby brother, and things are even crazier than before. This time, however, we went into it prepared. My schedule is strict, the older kids have NO right to discipline or reprimand and must come to me and I am letting NOTHING go. Our resident drama queens are held in very strict rules as to their words and conduct with the "non Winger" kids.
     It's a very difficult thing, parenting children who live SO differently than the way you do. They are allowed to stay up very late, despite their being only 6, 4, 3, 2 and 8 months. Here, they are in bed by 7, along with my 5 year old, and BOY do they throw a fit about it! They are always saying, "But, it's morning time!" I love when their mom puts them in their place and sides with me. Tonight, while having their phone chat, the 4 year old tells her mom, "Well, we are in bed even though it's still morning time but Faith always makes us go to bed when it' morning time." Her mom told her she was wrong and the look on her face was great. I was right! Her mom said so!

     When you choose to love children that are not yours and you know will return to their parents at some point, it becomes an amazing balance of trying not to tie your hearts with theirs but also knowing you must. I watch my children fall in love with the babies and my heart breaks knowing they will hurt when they leave. I know, however, how important it is for these children to feel loved and cared for wholeheartedly while they are here. They need to know they belong here and this is their home for however long they will be. I watch as my children's hearts get torn out saying goodbye and wonder if this is, truly, for the best. But then I remember, this is who WE are. This is what God called our FAMILY too and if they have the Winger name they are called to serve in this way. They need to learn how to love and let go and pray fervently for those kids when they think of them. They need to learn to love another outside of their family and serve these kids with all that they are. This is our mission field. It is hard. It is challenging at times but it is SUCH a blessing to US!

Finger coils

I had forgotten how much easier finger coils are than double strand twists. This took me all of an hour and 15 minutes. Canaan sat straight through in his high chair eating snacks and watching the movie the big kids were. I was very surprised. He started fussing on my last row and it got finished quickly. Yeah!

A Year in the Life of Canaan

Emotional.


Amazing.


Blessing.


Son.


Happy.


Unconditional.


Beautiful.


Cheeks!


Growing.


Learning.


Snuggling.


Laughing.


Walking.


One year old.

Happy Birthday Canaan Robert! You are an amazing blessing to us!

A first

Daddy gave Canaan his chocolate bunny from the grandparents, against my better judgment. I actually wasn't even paying attention and when I turned around my 10 month old had this huge chocolate sugar concoction in his hands. He was enjoying it A LOT so I didn't have the heart to take it away from him right away.








On a completely seperate note, HOW cute is my baby boy?! In my estimation, he is THE cutest little 10 month old boy on the planet. You may disagree with me, but you'd be wrong ;)

My baby

This sweet little baby is not so little anymore. He is coming up on TEN months old and weighs in at just under 21 lbs. His big brother, Justus, only weighs 9 more pounds than he does. I love chubby babies:)

Canaan is now crawling on all 4's and is starting to go pretty fast. He loves to chase the kids around the kitchen and will laugh and squeal trying to get them. Right now, he is trying SO hard to stand up on anything he can. Yesterday, he successfully pulled himself up on a kitchen stool and then promptly fell over.

Because of this beautiful weather we are having(which is supposed to end tonight in snow) Canaan got his first taste of playing in the dirt. He didn't like it too much and would try to start crawling but then push back on his bottom to sit when his hands touched the ground. For a minute, he would whine and look at me and then try again. He finally just conceded to sit in the dirt and play with leaves and sticks and had a lot of fun with that.

Breastfeeding is still going strong, although Canaan gets most of his nutrition from table food(avocados are his favorite), he really loves nursing. I am so glad that he has no showing of wanting to wean any time soon.

Canaan says Dada for everything right now but he does know that Jonah is Dada. When Jonah walks in the room he will get a big smile on his face and say "Dada". When I tell him, "Canaan, say 'Mama'" he gets a smile on his face and says, "Dada". It's almost like he knows he's being a stinker. It's OK, I can wait, I hear Mama, Mom, Mommy all day long from 6 other little stinkers.

Life is good. Life is busy. I am thoroughly enjoying this stage of life right now as my children are getting older. Have a great day!


You can see his 2 teeth he worked hard at pushing through. Just look at those cheeks. I kiss them at least 500 times a day:)

Just in case you ever wondered...

This little man is adored. He is loved and cherished and coddled and fussed over by every. single. one. of his siblings.

Every morning Canaan sleeps in until about 8:30 or so and the rest of us have been getting things started for our home schooling day. Every ear is tuned for the sound of Canaan talking. The first one to hear him will yell, "Canaan's awake!"

I go pick him up out of his crib, talk to him a little while and kiss his amazingly, fat, scrumptious, chubby baby cheeks then walk into the other room. When I enter the main room and the kids see their baby they come running(yes, they call him "their" baby and tell strangers this all the time). I have to kneel down on the floor while 6kids kiss and ooo and ahhh over their baby brother.

Justus says in his high-pitched for-baby-only-voice, "I wuv you Canaan. I'm your big brudder, yep, I your big brudder and I love you!" Then he smothers his face with kisses. Judah holds Canaan's hand and tries to get Canaan to look at him so he can talk to him and tell him how much he loves him and how cute he is. Isaiah fawns all over the baby and asks multiple times when he can hold and play with him. Malakai uses his high-pitched baby voice and says, "You're cute Canaan! Your cute! Yes, you are!" Sarah gives him a kiss and stands back to wait until the other kids have backed off to continue their chores and then steps in to pick him up, go sit on the couch and talk with him for a little bit. Alana usually joins her there to kiss Canaan and watch him.

Canaan smiles his amazing, dimpled smile and my heart melts every single time.

If God ever chooses to bless us with another baby, one thing I don't ever have to worry about is whether or not these children will be OK with it. They already know what a great blessing and how much fun babies are. As Malakai says, "Mommy, I want you to have 100 more babies like Canaan."

Babywearing saves the day

Disclaimer: I am in no way judging anyone who chooses not to babywear. Different strokes for different folks and that is fine. I just want to share my experience in hopes that someone who doesn't know about babywearing will possibly give it a try.

It's not secret that I love baby wearing and all of it's benefits. Baby wearing has saved me in so many ways and so many times and I truly don't understand why someone would choose NOT to wear their baby(anyone have an idea?). Those stupid car seats are SO heavy and cumbersome and you definitely cannot carry the car seat, hold on to a 3 year olds hand and have the other kids safely crossing a street or a parking lot. I won't even mention that car seats tend to not allow a baby to breath properly and should only be used in a car(hence the name car seat;))

When Malakai was born, Alana was 13 months old and not walking, Sarah was 5. I remember a very specific incident where I had to go to the store and was almost crying by the time I got to the front doors. I had to lug the car seat in one arm with Sarah holding on to it and hold all 30 lbs. of Alana in the other arm. It was ridiculous and I was about ready to drop both the babies by the time I got there. I wish I would have known how easy it was to wear one or both of the babies.

This weekend I have had a very sick 3 year old and 7 month old. They both were beside themselves with agony and wanted to be held almost constantly. Of course, I have 5 other kids to take care of and, while Sarah, Isaiah and Alana can do most things, there were still things I needed to take care of. Baby wearing to the rescue! I was able to put Justus on my back and the baby on my belly and go about my work. Justus didn't want to be held for so long(the baby won't let me put him down) but when he needed it, I was able to give him a little cuddle time until he felt like laying down to sleep again.




The baby has been very whiny and clingy and pitiful and has not let me put him down for 2 days now. I am able to wear him on my belly or back where he is comfy and safe and happy and I can do what needs to be done. As a mom of many, baby wearing has been a lifesaver for me! And it's so much fun too! As I type this Canaan is sleeping peacefully in a wrap on my belly.

The one thing I would say is, if a carrier is sold in a big chain store(like BRU, target, etc) it is usually not a good carrier. The exception to that is the Moby which is fantastic for newborns up to about 13 lbs.

If you are interested in baby wearing you can visit The Babywearer. It's a great website full of information and a forum to ask questions too. Of course, you can always ask me as well and I would be more than happy to point you in the right direction with carriers.

The pictures in the post were not taken while the kids were sick, just so you know.

Homemade baby food

Making your own baby food is SO easy, cheap and quick. Honestly, it is. If you spend a little time every other week making baby food you will save money and have fresh, wholesome food to feed your little one.

We usually start feeding solids around 6 months old. For some of our kids that was a little earlier but we always have them eating "some" solid food when they are 6 months old.

Here's how I do it. I always start with avocado, egg yoke(not the white) and banana as babies first food. We don't do grains until after one year so we go straight for the good stuff;). Banana's, egg yokes and avocados are full of fantastic stuff for babies bodies and brains. Not to mention they are so delicious!

I load my blender up with avocado's(or banana's etc.), pour in a little raw cream, buttermilk or melted butter and blend away until it is completely smooth. Then, I take a tablespoon and spoon them in to ice cube trays and pop them in the freezer to freeze for about 3 hours(or until they are frozen).

When they are "done" I pop them out and fill up a ziploc bag with them, write the date on the bag and throw it in the freezer on the "baby food" shelf. SO EASY! Really, with something like this you are taking about 10 minutes to do the whole thing and, depending on how much you make, you are done with avocados for a while. I always overdo it so I don't have to do it for a long time.

Yesterday I made a concoction that was SO yummy! I blended up a cantaloupe, 3 papaya's and a container of organic cottage cheese. It was so yummy but Canaan didn't like it! Silly baby!

He is also eating(all organic) squash, carrots, raw mango, homemade apple sauce(from my in-laws apples), ground beef, sweet potatoes, cooked pears and broccoli(which he also doesn't like). If you want to check out a great article on the best foods to feed baby and when, check out this article here.

And, what to do when you go out? Grab a container, throw a few cubes of food into it and go. By the time you need to feed baby, it will be ready to go. SO easy! You're saving yourself a fortune and giving baby the best you can too.

Sitting tall...

And looking cool.






Is he not the cutest thing EVER!?

Smiles are hard to come by

Oh Mother, the silly things you do to get me to smile are so juvenile.



Well, I love you enough to oblige you just a bit.



Oh, you want more? If I smile will you stop with the silly antics?



There you go. Are you happy now?

Oh, yes son. That smile melts my heart and I will act like a fool for hours just to see it again.

This little knight...

rides in style.



Riding there all comfy and cozy...



he falls fast asleep.

And that makes Mommy happy:)

A girl after her Mama's heart

Sarah came to me with a wrap and asked if she could wear Canaan for a little bit. I, of course, said yes! She then proceeded to tie the wrap on without one stitch of my help(and in a carry I haven't used very much with Canaan). I was awed! She has learned just by watching me and that makes me happy:) I did have to guide her while she put him in so that he was safely being carried but she knew what to do most of the time. I've said it before, I LOVE babywearing but when I see my kids enjoying babywearing too it makes me smile. :)

Diaper talk

Look at those pretties!

I have used cloth diapers for 3 years now and they were something I said I would never use. However, I have fallen in love with cloth diapering itself along with the cost saving I get by using them. With Judah and Justus I chose to use BumGenius and while I really loved them, they didn't hold up too well because of the velcro. This time around I decided to go with Fuzzi Bunz and, for the last 2 days we've used them, really love them!

Another thing I decided to try this time around is using cloth wipes. This is a MUST if you are choosing to cloth diaper. I don't know why I never did this before but it has made using cloth diapers(especially the nasty one's) much easier and simpler. You just throw them in the pail with the dirty diaper plus, they are so soft and cushy on babies bottom.

One last plus. They come in such fun, vibrant and yummy colors!

Babywearing

When Malakai was born I had no idea what babywearing was but I did have the desire to hold my baby. I had an Over the Shoulder Baby Holder and a Baby Bjorn that were just so uncomfortable and awful that I hardly ever used them. At the time, I had no idea that there were other things available out there for wearing your baby that were much more beautiful, comfortable and versatile because you can't buy these kinds in regular stores(which is a shame). So, the majority of the time Kai sat in his "plastic parent" when we went anywhere because I also had Alana who was 13 months old and not walking and I couldn't figure out how to hold him and take care of her at the same time.

Fast forward to Judah and Isaiah coming home. I had done lots of research on attaching in adoption and knew that the best way to do this was to hold my kids, a lot. Isaiah was 4 and not so keen on being worn at all. He actually screamed when I would try to put him on my back in a Mei Tai but Judah was the opposite and just wouldn't let me put him down. It was a life saver for me, going from 3 to 5 kids, to wear Judah on my belly or back while I did things. He thrived there too and he and I bonded much quicker because of it. Judah was my realization that babywearing is a MUST if you have many small children. It frees your hands to hold others and do things that need to be done without leaving the child to cry or be upset(which isn't good with little one's who are new to your home and grieving). Children are comforted when they are close to their parents and it is the best way for a child who was adopted, and their parents, to bond. If you are adopting I would encourage you to invest in a good baby carrier and use it every day. If you have questions about them, let me know.

And here we are with Canaan. Without wearing him I would get very little done during the day. Not to mention the fact that it's important for him to be held so that we can bond with one another. At only 2 weeks old he knows my voice and scent and calms with just being close to something that smells like me or when I speak. Jonah made a comment that with Kai I wanted him to cry things out and learn how to "self-soothe" but Canaan gets picked up every time he cries. My parenting style has changed 180 degrees since then and I am so much happier with my parenting style now! I LOVE holding my babies, LOVE IT! The time they are small is such a short, short time in the whole scheme of things and I don't want to miss those sweet moments. I feel like I missed out on a lot with Alana and Malakai but with my subsequent babies I never will.

If you have little one's, hold them often and cherish this time. It goes by way to fast and, I promise, they will be better for you wearing them(and so will you!) I have learned a lot about baby wearing so if you are interested, let me know and I will give you all you ever wanted to know about styles of carriers out there and what I think are the best one's. :)

This may be it!

Yesterday both Sarah and Isaiah came to me saying that they thought "T" would go into labor that night. Hahaha, blow it off a bit, right? Then, I was up all night long with Justus and finally fell asleep at 4:15 am. on the couch with him nestled in my arm thinking, "this would be God's perfect timing to let "T" go into labor with me exhausted and without sleep. Maybe He's preparing me..."

So, at 6:25 am, imagine my surprise when I woke up to a text message saying, "I think your kids were right! I've been contracting all night, what should I do?"
I then told her to time them and asked some questions about things. Turns out they are 3-5 minutes apart and lasting for a minute to a minute and a half so I told her she needed to go in.

Right now we have all our stuff ready to go and we wait and wait and wait. We don't want to make the hour and 40 minute trip if this is a false alarm. So pray! Also, pray for Justus who has some nasty diarehha going on. Just our luck that I won't be here to take care of him when he needs me most:(

And it's time...

Time to start really preparing for baby by making freezer meals. I would like to prepare enough freezer meals(or buy stuff for crock pot meals) for at least 4 weeks. 6 weeks would be ideal but I figure 30 meals is a good start. Any help you can give me on meals that YOU have tried that would freeze well would be great! Here are some of our criteria...

1) 3 out of 4 meals a week are just the kids and I. Jonah will probably take the first week off, if he can, and then will go back to his normal schedule. So, 3 meals a week can be very simple BUT I don't want to have to cook them, just throw them in the oven or crock and then have them be ready(Sarah and Isaiah will likely be in charge of doing dinner so it needs to be something they can manage).

2) When Jonah is home, he likes more complex or flavorful meals. Beans and rice does NOT cut it for him at all. :)

And, that's about it I guess. Yes, I could spend hours online searching freezer meals but my problem is always that I haven't tried them yet and if someone else has a great recipe then I am rather inclined to trust them!

Thanks for your help!

Waiting

I have never had to wait so long for one of my newborns and I can't say that I am doing it patiently. Since we are moved into the house and there is no organizing to be done or deep cleaning I have found myself with the need to nest but with no "housework" stuff to do. Instead I have found numerous projects to do and I am having such a great time with it. Here are some things I have made over the past few weeks and I have many more on my wish list of things to make.


A handmade BBO (Ball Baby Overall Carrier). Don't mind the Saturday clothes;)



Hand knit washcloths. So simple and easy and such pretty colors:)



This was going to be baby boys coming home hat but I don't like the way it turned out. The directions said to make it on 3 needles but it should have been 4 as it isn't symetrical. The yarn was expensive and so I hesitate to make another one. We'll see if I have time(and extra money) to have a go at it again. I just may as I really love the feel of it.



A nursing cover so little 4,5, and 7 year old boys' eyes will be spared booby shots;)


I also have been researching more babywearing options and am having a lot of fun with it! I started wearing my babies when Kai was 18 months old but Judah really sealed the deal when he came home. I fell in love with it and realized how important it was to wear my kids, especially because they didn't have 9 months to grow in my belly and most of them were not with me until much longer than that! Until now I have been content with my Ergo, Babyhawk, Moby Wrap and Peanut Shell, all which are fairly common and mainstream baby carriers and have done well for me so far. What I didn't know is the vast array of beautiful carriers that you can't find in a baby store, even specialty ones! This week I had a friend introduce me to wrapping and I have fallen in love. I wore Justus in the Moby wrap as a newborn and it was by far the best, but because of the stretchiness of the fabric I couldn't wear him much longer than 4 months without killing my back.

These woven wraps are amazingly gorgeous, versatile and sturdy and I am looking to find just the right one as they are also very expensive. Look at these beauties:
Didymos, Neobulle, Aqua waves, Simon and my favorite. There are many, many more I could have linked that I really love but I'm sure you get my drift. ;) Hey, feel free to buy me one if you've got some extra cash laying around. I want a size 5 or 4.2M to 4.7M ;) I think too, that my mind keeps reminding me that this just may be(hopefully not) the last newborn I will have and I want to cherish each and every moment while I can.

"We" have 9 weeks left before we meet baby boy! He still does not have a name but have at least narrowed the list down a little bit. I am looking forward to meeting this precious one so very much and getting to know him!

I am back!

2 weeks ago we moved into our new house! And Jonah's computer broke so we were without a computer AND without Internet. Even when we got a satellite installed to get Internet, it didn't matter because we didn't have a computer to use. Talk about frustrating for me! However, it was a really good time for it to happen because there has been SO much to do!

Last Thursday I was able to go with our birth mom, T, to her doctors appointment. She had an ultrasound the day before and gave me 5 pictures of our little man. The technician got 2 great pictures of his face and he is precious! I can't wait to meet him. There were some concerns about 'T' having diabetes at the beginning of the pregnancy which can cause some serious issues but it turns out that she does not have diabetes and baby boy is perfectly healthy. Praise God. We could use some prayers for 'T', she is battling depression(occurring before the pregnancy) and, as you can imagine, this situation does not help things at all. She is also having some issues with the maternity home she is staying in and the staff there judging her for her choice to place the baby for adoption and not parent. One last thing about baby... 'T' has been measuring about 3 to 3 1/2 weeks ahead at every appointment. Her due date is June 27(her initial one at 4 months and a different doctor was June 5) but I highly doubt we will make it that far. 'T' is already huge and does not look like she is only 7 months pregnant. We shall see when he will make his appearance!

Overall, our lives are so full right now with the house and getting ready for baby. Things are washed and set up in our room and the only thing I really "need" is a pack and play to put in the living room(one where it raises up with a changing table and bassinet kind of thing) and a glider. I have wanted a glider for my last, um, 4 babies and have never gotten one! I know these are not needs but I would like them anyways;)

So, that's about it!