Foster care, shmoster care

      To say Jonah and I were pleased when we were told we could become foster parents is an understatement; we were beyond ecstatic. Yup, we're strange. Our future life's plan included fostering children after retirement and I've often told people that we don't plan on having an empty nest for many, many years until our health fails and we are too old. Foster care is our calling. It is a part of who we are as a couple. It's the reason we added on to our house. Being told we could begin 4 years shy of when we had planned(when Isaiah turns 18) was exciting. When the resource family approval social worker(the new term for foster parents is resource family) called to tell me that we couldn't foster because of our family size, we were crushed. Like, seriously and honestly crushed. We had spent hours upon hours in classes and gathering paperwork and spent lots of money on fingerprints, cribs and guns safes to make our home ready because we had initially been told by a social worker that the law had changed and that the supervisor had given the ok. The RFA worker told us no and she was not sure why we were told that. So, I rallied myself, asked her to please contact the state liaison to get things cleared up for sure because I believed the written directives gave clear ways we could be certified and then Jonah and I(and some family and friends) fell to our knees in prayer.
     We know that our fight is not against the RFA workers(cause they REALLY need foster families!). This is spiritual and we were not going to give up without fighting in prayer about this! We were called 2 hours later with the answer. Apparently, we CAN become a certified resource family but can only be placed with sibling sets since they are difficult to place. Cause, ya know, we have "too" many kids to foster just one child at a time but a whole sibling set(the number is irrelevant to them) is just fine. How THAT makes sense is not a concern to me, obviously, but its just a bit comical.
    Our whole home study is ready to go, paperwork done and filled and cribs set up and "placement ready". We await the last step; a social worker to do family interviews to determine whether we are capable to care for more children and determine how many more. This is the last determining factor of whether or not we will be certified. We could end up with a social worker that is encouraging and OK with the fact that we have 6 kids under 18 or we could be connected with one who thinks large families(especially home schooled ones) are weird and hiding something horrible and detrimental. If you care to pray with us for this last step, we would LOVE it and so would the kids who we are looking forward to caring for and loving;) May God get all the glory.
   

Worst mom ever award

    Every year, as the holidays end, Jonah and I end up finding ourselves in a money crunch as January moves along. Many of our car bills, insurance and other once a year things need to be paid and the squeeze is on.
    I had the absolutely brilliant idea to spread the buying of gifts out over the months preceding Christmas so that our funds were a little more available after December was over. I made my lists and crossed things off. I even wrapped ALL the gifts before December started! I was on a roll! Until Christmas Eve came around and I was organizing the gifts to place them under the tree. This is when I discovered that I had completely forgotten to buy a gift for one son. Like, nothing to open on Christmas day.
    To say I was disturbed is an understatement. I was absolutely horrified that I had actually overlooked a gift for my precious boy. It all worked out in the end but this will go down as one of my major parenting fails. What do you consider your major parenting fail?

A year is over

   A year is a long time to house children that are not yours. We loved, parented, disciplined, held and comforted children that weren't ours for over a year. A year, 2 months and 21 days, to be exact. After a holiday visit that CPS required, the children were held by their father and there is nothing anyone can do about it. They will not be returned.

  I find myself in mixed emotion daily. Having 3 less children makes for a MUCH quieter house and peace to allow me to get tons of projects done, homeschool my children and spend quality time with each. If I'm honest, it's been very pleasurable, almost to the point of guilt. On the other hand, we had just begun telling people we had 10 kids when they asked (after a year, it seemed silly that we only said 7), we were just beginning to get into the groove (truly) of having 3 extra little ones, we bought a new car to seat us all. Things were getting "easier" and more fun and the kids were beginning to really take to heart that the "visiting" kids weren't leaving anytime soon. We knew they would never become Winger's but that was OK. We loved them, they loved us. We wanted them returned to a safe home once their mom was able and CPS said they could return.

   Today I found myself telling one of the kids to make sure to throw something away because, "I don't want it on the floor where A can put it in his mouth." That child reminded me the baby was gone now. I spent this weekend cleaning and organizing the crib, pack and play, stroller, high chairs, baby gate play area, toys, clothes and shoes and getting them ready to be packed away, given back or donated. My house is clean and organized and it's wonderful but, they are not here. That's hard. And painful. And sad. I pray multiple times a day that they are safe and fed and loved and hugged and heard. This is the hardest part. I know they are not. This is what hurts the most. Not the missing them or wanting their sweet smiles or cuddles. It's the not knowing. The wanting-to-protect-them-but-you-can't and praying CPS will do their job and  keep them safe. I just need to know they're safe.

***we were not foster parents and in the system. This was an odd gray area that we were working to figure out.

Back to the normally scheduled program

Do you all remember this picture? Look at how small they were! This is about to happen again.

I have so much to tell you after a full 2 year break but I'll give you an overview so that you have something to look forward to. A lot has happened, a lot has changed, we have grown and hurt and learned as a family and I finally feel the courage and strength to get things back to "normal".

We have spent the last 2 years dealing with, what can only be equated to, a living hell in the form of RAD(Reactive Attachment Disorder). Sounds harsh? You have NO idea. It was a long time coming(3 years?) before we realized what the problem was and , by Gods grace, we are overcoming!  I will be sharing more on this and what has helped this child begin healing. Things are, by no means, perfect but they are getting better.

We are about to add on to our little 1,200 sq. ft. house because 1) Canaan and Justus won't be able to share a bed when they're teenagers ;) and 2) we feel the call to make ourselves available for more orphan/Safe Families/adoption/moms in crisis ministries. Gods timing is perfect and I truly believe God allowed us our time in our little house to be longer than planned because he knew the challenge we had in store of working through a RAD diagnosis.

Almost a year ago our family, out of desperation, sought to learn more about essential oils and see if it could help me(and the RADish) with anxiety and get Justus off his arsenal of meds for asthma and allergies. Those that know me well know that I am a researcher in all parts of my life. The results I found led me to become a Young Living distributor and I LOVE my oils and the results I have seen from them. We use them for much more on a daily basis and they are an intregal part of the way we live.

Our little farm, during all the chaos, was seriously downsized to a much more manageable size. We now have 3 cows(instead of 11!), 5 sheep, 4 turkeys, 2 piggies, lots of chickens and 3 Muscovy ducks. Last year we enrolled our kids in 4H and they showed in poultry last year. Isaiah's chicken, Lola, won Reserve Best in Show! We are all excited to see what this year brings.

The last thing, although I'm sure I'm missing something, is that we have been doing the GAPS diet as a family to try and heal Justus' gut. I have, in my research, learned that many of the issues we have, can be helped or cured by healing our guts flora. We have seen some results but have a ways to go(another year or so).

I'm excited to start writing again and sharing what's on my mind. I think Jonah will be happy because I can get out all my "talking" needs again by writing! Hahahaha!

Surprises!

This little boy is going to be TEN in a few months. I have a question for you all. If you had the choice would you rather 1) be told about the surprise a few days early(on your birthday) so that you could anticipate and relish thoughts of what is to come OR 2) Have the surprise happen all at once so there is no waiting or anticipation, just a BIG surprise.

Please comment and tell me what you would rather have. He has a surprise coming to him that he told us about shortly after this picture was taken almost SIX years ago. We thought his 10th birthday would be the perfect time to make this dream come true. I want to do it right and the best I can.

See this cute little guy?

He's five years old and taught himself how to ride a 2 wheeler all by himself just like 3 of his older siblings did at the same age. I'm pretty proud of him and amazed at how brave he is becoming. I love my JuJu Bee a whole heck of a lot!

How do you rank children?

This is a fabulous article about where we rank our children in this culture. Here is the link to the whole article, by Rachel Jankovic, that I strongly encourage you to read through completely.

Here is the first small bit:

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn't have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?
The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

How do you rank your children? or future children?

Invisible?

We are home from a very interesting, yet fun, camping trip.

Here's a funny from one night sitting around the fire.

The big kids were asking Jonah and I if they could go on a night walk in the dark without flashlights.

Isaiah says, "No one will be able to even see me cause I'm BLACK!"

The rest of the kids agreed with him, thinking that was pretty cool.

Perceptions

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment with a doctor I have never been too before. There was both a doctor and a nurse in the room and they were both asking me questions about my family history and whatnot. They asked if I had children and I, of course, told them I had 7. I am proud of that fact. :)

You could see their faces glaze over when I said "SEVEN kids" and their whole attitude became one of suspition and judgment without saying a word. They were giving each other knowing glances and I felt very ackward. As if I was some sort of a hussy for having 7 kids and overpopulating the earth. It didn't help that they asked their ages and then asked how long Jonah and I have been married. Yep, their perception was that I got pregnant before wedlock, obviously, since my oldest is 11 and I've been married 9 years. Anyways, you get the idea. They alluded to the fact that there was no way I could safely care for that many young children...

Toward the end of the appointment, the doctor asked me if any of my children had any issues because of family history and I looked at him a little strangely and said, "Well, it wouldn't matter anyways because all my children were adopted". Ah, that magic word. The whole mood changed in that room, seriously. I was no longer a weirdo, I was a "saint". I no longer had this stigma attatched to me and they saw me differently. Using that one little word, things changed.

However, it made me a bit sad honestly, that the world(and many people in the church too) see having lots of children as a burden. Many people have told me, "I could never do that" or "Better you than me". They see having children as a chore rather than a blessing from God. Really, things get to be a ton of fun after 5 kids! I can't wait to see if God will bless us with more.

Psalm 127:3-5 ESV
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!

Springtime fun

On Thursday we had a gorgeous, warm and perfect day. The kids and I headed out to the garden to do some planting and play in the yummy dirt. We had SO much fun planting, talking and getting each other wet. The boys ended up running around in their underwear and the girls changed into their suits. It was a really great day and we were excited at the prospect of seeing our first shoots emerge in a few weeks.









Yesterday, we woke up to 6 inches of SNOW on the ground and I think we may have to just plant the seeds over again for fear that they are done with. No, it was not forcasted. It's fine though, as we had a lot of fun and we are hoping Jonah will be there this time to join in!

"Me" time

Someone asked me how I get "me" time as a mom of so many. I am probably going to push some buttons here and offend some people. No big deal, it's my opinion, and you are all entitled to yours. ;)

I think believing we need "me" time is all about selfishness. Our culture has bred, and continues to breed, the thought that everything is about "ME!".

What can you give "me"?

How will this benefit "me"?

When will it be about "me"?

When can I have time for just "me"?

Me, me, me, me, me.

Not only is this way of thinking detrimental to us as mother's and wives, it also is NOT the way that Christ wants us to be! As a Christian, we look to Christ as our perfect example and he was so far from selfish and about the "me" attitude as any one can be! Yes, he went off by himself to pray and be alone, this kind of "me" time is not what I am talking about. We do need to spend time alone with God and in prayer. What I am talking about is the "me" time out with the "girls" every week or making a pedicure, massage, etc. a necessity instead of just a once-in-a-great-while thing. I am addressing the "me" time when we put our desires first instead of our spouse and children.

Instead of asking yourself how you can get "me" time each week, we should be focusing on these precious gifts that God is allowing us to raise. We have them for such a short time, make it count! Push away the selfishness of this world, believing you "need" x amount of time away every day/week and pray for God to give you the strength you need to get to bedtime, if that's where you're at. My children go to bed at 7(Sarah at 8). This leaves me about 2 hours of time alone or with my husband when he's home. It's precious time that I cherish spending with Sarah and/or Jonah.

If you can't handle all day with your children, make a time in the middle of the day to schedule a "quiet time" for an hour where you can go in your room, pray, just relax, catch your breath, whatever. Then, get to the training you have neglected along the way that has made you not like being around your kids! When I neglect staying consistent with my kids I find I get overly frustrated with them! However, it's only my own fault for allowing them to be naughty without correcting them.

Anyone who knows me well, will know that I love my "alone" time and always have but that doesn't mean I "need" it or seek it out. I very rarely do anything alone, I am always bringing at least one child with me and usually a few when I go places and I cherish those times. When you choose to have children, you are pretty much choosing to forgo "me" time until those children are out of the house. Yes, there will be times when you have some time for "me" but I don't think it's a necessity. I also have the same thoughts about "me" time in a marriage. Yes, there will be times and opportunities to have those times alone but it's not a necessity. I know some people who have "girls night out" every week and not a date night. Putting your friends and "me" time ahead of your marriage will only result in divorce. Take the time to be alone when you can but don't make it a priority in your life.

As a side note, there may be times that you are overwhelmed with being a mommy and all that comes with that. I think that's normal. For some women, however, this may lead to depression and maybe anger issues. If you think that is you, do what you need to do to make yourself healthy and whole for your children and husband first.

A silly conversation

Last night for dinner I did something that I NEVER do. I let each child choose what they wanted for dinner. It actually ended up being really, really easy because of what they chose.

Anyways.

Malakai chose a quesadilla and was standing around waiting for it to be finished. I let him use the spatula to push down the tortilla as it was cooking. This was the following conversation.

Kai: "Mommy, when I push it down I feel just like a cooker would!"

Me: "Mmm hmm"

Kai: "Well, I'm not a cooker cause cookers are big and work in really nice kitchens."

Me: "And they're called chefs."

Pause with a thinking look on his face as he stares at his quesadilla cooking.

Kai: "And cookers can use sharp knives and stuff."

Pause

Kai: "I can't use knives."

Pause

"I'm a little cooker boy though cause I have THIS!" As he holds up the spatula in jubilation.


This boy has loved to cook from the time that he has been able to walk. He doesn't, however, seem to remember that the correct term for a professional "cooker" is chef no matter how many time I have told him.

A secret? I sometimes don't even correct him because I think it's so cute and I know that eventually he'll get it right and I'll never hear him refer to a chef as a "cooker" again.

These children

These children make my heart swollen with love.





These children are pieces of my heart in human form. Sigh.



These children will never understand what a gift they are to me. Ever.


These children make me smile. They make me happy. They make me laugh.



And this baby? Oh my! Look at that face! And that hair! There are no words.

Daddy's littlest helper

Jonah has been working on building our fence for the last month or so and it is coming along nicely. While all the kids seem to start out wanting to help Daddy, the bigger kids end up wandering away to play and Justus is left to hang out with Daddy. Not only does Justus LOVE to help Daddy fence, he has also become quite the expert on the steps of building a fence and a really good helper. He will tell Jonah, "Daddy, now you have to put the rocks in" and then bring Jonah the level before he even asks for it, but right when he needs it. He will pick the sticks out of the fill dirt for Jonah and tell him when it's time to pack the dirt down. Most of all, Justus is learning to love working hard outside, something it seems we haven't fully taught the bigger kids well.

So, what can we do to get the bigger kids to be better helpers with happy hearts? We don't want it to be discipline since they are really good, happy helpers with inside chores. They would just rather go play instead of helping Daddy. What do you think?

A boy knows...

... when he's in trouble.


"We don't play in the lotion Justus. It's for Mommy to put on you."


But when the boy looks at you with his big brown eyes and says, "But Mommy, I was itchy", you just can't help but feel sorry for him. And laugh just a little.

Working hard

Now that the house is done, Jonah has a LONG list of things to do on the property, the first one being fencing. In order to fence he has to clear thick, seriously ginormous, old growth manzanita from along the front of the property line. The manzanita was at least 15 feet tall and, in some stretches of the land, at least 30 feet thick. Jonah thinks that some of them were at least 100 years old.

Being that Jonah is on vacation we decided that this would be a great time to get the front property line cleared and ready to fence. Neither of us thought we would be able to do it in the 10 days that Jonah has off though. Well, we started on it this past Wednesday and today we will finish the job. Beautiful! It has been 4 days of some serious hard work but we have been having SUCH a wonderful time enjoying being together as a family and doing some hard manual labor. Jonah cuts and the kids and I pull it to the fire.

My kids? Oh yes, they have been pulling brush to the burn pile too and let me tell you, they are amazing! It has been awesome to see my kids work alongside Jonah and I and really get to see their work ethic. There are a 2 who need some training in working hard(well, Justus too but he's 2) but Judah? No, my 4 year old is NOT a lazy boy. That boy worked for 4 hours each day without complaining ONCE and without wanting to even stop. His job is to pick up the smaller branches and throw them in a pile near the fire for Mommy to throw in. Judah can't wait to help finish the job again today.

There is something so special about working together as a family on something that is "ours". When the kids see everyone working, and not just the 3 older kids, they are much more positive and willing to work. While we work we are able to watch the beauty around us and this is something which floors me. I LOVE where I live. I LOVE pulling brush, burning it and making our little corner of the world beautiful. 8 years ago I didn't even know that people made "burn piles" to burn their brush and tree litter and even though these last few days have been really hard work(manzanita is very heavy!), being outside and working is such a blessing.

On Saturday, after the hard work was done and the kids had gone inside for showers, I sat down in the dirt for a breather. The sky was sparkling blue and there were these huge billowy white clouds passing by. The wind was blowing hard and it sounded like the ocean waves rolling in as it pushed the tall tree limbs. All I could think was how very lucky I am to live here. Never, in all my days, did I ever think I would love living in the country. EVER. But, here I am, thoroughly loving every minute of it, even the hard manual labor part of it AND the 40 minute drive to "town".

Pictures to follow.

Officially joining the stitch club

When I was a kid one of my brothers or cousins were always getting stitches it seemed. My parents and Aunt and Uncle jokingly called it the "stitch club" and the boys had somewhat of a running competition of who was on top. I joined the stitch club when I was 9 years old and it was a BAD incident. I have nightmares about that time. Thankfully, I was never the holder of the number one stitch club trophy.

Today, at 12:11 p.m., Isaiah was initiated into the stitch club and, in turn, initiated me into the "Mom's stitch club". I never wanted to be a part of this. He is the first of the Winger kids to join and, hopefully, the last. Ironically Isaiah was also the first(and only so far) of my children to join the broken bone club just months after coming home from Liberia.

He was stoic at the hospital despite repeatedly crying on the way there about not wanting to get a shot. When the time came to get the shot (actually got stuck 8 times in the wound) he did SO good. No one had to hold his head down and he sat on his own hands. Although he writhed his legs a bit and moaned he didn't move his head. I was so proud of him. When it was all said and done we went home with 7 stitches and stopped to get the brave boy an ice cream sundae for his braveness.

The doctor who stitched him up did such a good job that you can barely tell with the combo of his dark skin. I wish I would have thought to take a picture of the nasty wound after it happened but I wasn't really thinking about pictures at the time.







Oh, and in case your curious... he did it walking UP the stairs. He must have fallen really hard to cut it so badly.

Spring clothes change

Spring clothes change has taken on a new meaning for me this year while we are moving in to our new house. Normally, I would haul out the kids' clothes bins and go through all the spring/summer clothes while taking down the winter clothes and changing them from one hanger to another. It usually takes me at least 6 or 7 hours to do this. This year, all the clothes bins were already at the new house. All I had to do is open them up, put the summer clothes on a hanger and send kids upstairs to hang them up. For all SEVEN kids it took me about an hour and a half. Nice. Once we move in, we will REALLY be ready!

Climbing trees

On Saturday we worked on the house with a short break for roasting hot dogs over a fire. Jonah decided to climb a massive fir tree and only stopped climbing after I reminded him that I would be left alone with 6 children if he fell;) Sarah decided to try her hand at climbing it too and did really well until her fear kicked in. She says next time she is going to go higher since the picture doesn't look like she went that high.










Justus decided to get in on the action too, but on a much smaller scale.

Pure sweetness

Don't let that sour face fool you. This boy is pure sweetness, well at least this morning he was. :) I heard him calling my name from his room at 5:30 a.m. and went to find him with his PJ's off and freezing cold. This is something he does almost every night so that he can scratch(eczema) and wakes up cold every morning. I brought him in to my bed, got him cuddled in my arms and wrapped in lots of blankets to get him warm. As he starts to doze off to sleep again he takes this big sigh and says, "Cuddle Mommy make Justus happy." I went back to sleep with a huge smile on my face:)